Talking through the story with the kids

[Birdsstillsing01]

When did you, how did you talk through what happened in the abusive relationship with your kids. Mine are not yet teenagers, but also asking a lot of questions about us leaving their dad.
The youngest really wants to understand
‘Why’ he did what he did to me and also to them. I don’t have answers for this myself!?

[Lisa]

Hi Birdsstillsing01,

I just wanted to offer you some support with this as it sounds like you’re in a really difficult position with your children. In my experience, there’s no real ‘right’ way to go about this. You know your children the best and I’m sure you’re already doing a great job of balancing being honest with them whilst being appropriate for their age.

If you’re not already in touch with your local domestic abuse service, they might have access to children/ young people’s support: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa

[Birdsstillsing01]

Hiya
Thx for the kind message, it is incredibly hard and still struggling with my own guilt that he is their dad and these awful things happened to us.
But it is good they are talking to me and that they still trust me. Just so hard that this was our life for so long, even though we are free now. They are having some therapy now, me too, so hopefully that will help.

[Watersprite]

Hello it’s good they are asking. They trust you. Trust yourself – you know them better than anyone. Go at their pace. I think the truth comes out anyway be as open as you can keeping their individual age and maturity in mind x

[Birdsstillsing01]

Thx for replying x

[RedStrawberry]

I am worried about this too even though mine are only little. They idolise their dad at the moment as its all give them as many sweets as he can and let them stay up late. I’m wondering when the change will happen and he can’t control his sly digs and comments. He’s already blamed one of them when they had an accident in his care, ignoring his involvement in the situation. I know one day they will ask and I’ll have to be honest that he got violent with me but that’s the easy part to explain I think it’s the years of mental stuff (that no doubt they will have to experience from him at some point) that’s going to be hardest to explain but I want them to be aware that these men exist and its not acceptable.

[Birdsstillsing01]

Super tough isn’t it, keep looking out for them and look after yourself too x

[Hereforhelp]

Mine were young teenagers when they asked lots of questions… I let them lead and answered age appropriately and honestly. They were also affected of course, so for me as the only adult they trusted I didn’t want to lie or cover up but I also didn’t put my ex down unnecessary (if that makes sense?).
We have also (over a year out now) spoken openly about red flags, aggressive behaviours, green flags (my 2 both liked this a lot).
Trust yourself, you hvse got this and no your children the best, they obviously trust you… you are a great mum ❤️

[Author]

Posts