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    • #143668
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      Ever had the feeling that you want to cry but you can’t?
      I feel very emotional. My only confidents /supporters ask me not to discuss the abuse with them as I am doing nothing about it. Suggesting It is my own fault!. They have no idea I am in this mentally uncomfortable situation. Everyone wants me to keep up appearances for religion/ cultural reasons mostly. No one is aware of how bad he makes me feel. I feel sick and have anxiety. Im too scared to go to the GP. It is the shame. He speaks to me in a manner no one should be. We have children together and from previous relationships. He has addictions and every so often I know he is “wasted”. I am too scared to confront him as it will only make him more angry. He is the most n**********c human being on this earth.
      I can only dream of freedom away from him.

    • #143673
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Yes and you are doing something- you’re surviving. But that’s why your body isn’t letting you cry, we often live on autopilot, tipping around. Seek out support from ppl who understand abuse- woman’s aid, your local dv centre, your gp, this forum.

      I had all that with drink & drugs too and it’s heartbreaking especially with kids around, the lies they tell and yup if you say anything then cue gaslighting or shouting, or worse. Can you speak to womansaid or your gp instead?

    • #143719
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      I can’t get a single tear out. I am extremely upset, he is emotionally draining. His demands are too much. He wants me in the house where in his opinion women belong. He and his familt expects me to cook, clean, work, look after his every need. I am not allowed on the phone in his presence or he starts on me. He thinks he is a god and I am at his demand. I am spoken to unkindly. His grown up children asks me to stand up to him. I am just so weak. His father is exactly the same to his mother. It is “normal” to him.

    • #143726
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Same here, his parents are vile. The mother is all about attention and putting others down – every single time she saw me she’d talk about his ex (we were together years), when I had our child I got accused of ruining her plans because of when my due date was and when the child was born, despite both my ex and the hospital saying you can’t go in to visit and they knew I wanted my eldest to meet baby first, they just stormed in anyway then announced the birth on social media. Then there’s the dad, he is entitled, chauvinistic and thinks women are useless. A raging alcoholic who thinks his job makes him more important than everyone. He hated that my job is close to his in seniority, how dare I as a woman and not stay at home like my ex’s ex. Then my ex and I liked a certain sport, the dad had no interest but bought just my ex tickets. When my ex told him our plans to go somewhere to watch said sport the dad (infront of me) said no you’ll go with me, I’ll pay. Sick. And being the nice, polite person I am I sat quietly not wanting to cause any bother plus knowing they wanted a reaction.

      I used to feel sorry for my ex, make allowances for his behaviour because of his parents, but then I learnt about abuse and realised he’s choosing to hurt me, reasons I know this is true – 1) he’s not hurting others, quite the opposite and goes over and above with complete strangers, 2) I’m watching him repeat the pattern with his kids and noticing him putting on a different mask 3) this one got me the most – he knows better than anyone what it feels like to be treated this way, so why wouldn’t he do everything in his power to stop others feeling that pain.

      I also wasn’t allowed on my phone when near him or I’d get constant comments, it’s quite common on these forums. Yet he’d be on his phone, his tablet and decide what was on tv all at once, but god forbid I touched mine even if it was shopping or something.

      I think since deciding I was done I’ve cried twice in several months, I felt bad for that as if I should be crying more but I think part of me had done my crying over the years and each time I’d been let down, abused or abandoned. The other part of me feels numb, which I think is the survival part and I’m half expecting an explosion of emotion when I finally move. Sorry for the essay, just wanted to share that you’re not alone or strange and most importantly you know you deserve better x

    • #143835
      Stay or leave
      Participant

      It must have been awful to have an ex and family like that. I can’t begin to describe how disgusting his father is towards women I don’t think you would believe me. They both choose to abuse and your right it is a choice but they are not nice to anyone. They think the world is all based around them. Both have a problem with authority and have addictions. The part I struggle the most with is the cycle of abuse and moving of goal posts. Nothing is ever enough. What I do or give he always finds a reason to be nasty to me. Put me down and he knows my anxiety is worse around people so he does it more then. He often shouts at people in the street and starts arguments and I get scared they will think I am involved or even to the point they might attack me! He has no concern for anyone in the family it is all a show.

    • #143836
      longjourneylife
      Participant

      All sounds too familiar. These people are vile and it’s their beliefs. I used to think I was going mad, losing my mind, giving everything and more, before I nearly game up completely. It’s so hard, but the only choice is You. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re a person! You matter, you are special, you definitely deserve someone who isn’t an abuser! Definitely worth talking to GP, if anything, it’s a record should you ever need it in the future, and it’s confidential, so you have a safe outlet if only for 10 minutes, it counts. Thinking of you. X

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