7th March 2019 at 11:54 pm #73699lilbirdParticipant
My son is mid teens and his girlfriend a little older. They have been together for (detail removed by moderator) months now but I am afraid that she maybe controlling him. She seems to dictate when they see each other then when it doesn’t go her way starts saying ‘What’s the point of being together when I hardly see you’ I have been reading the messages on his phone this evening and it would appear that at school today they’d obviously had had an argument and he’d thrown a brick at her bruising her leg and hand and she is now threatening him with people to ‘see to him’ Now, had this been true I’m sure the school would have rung me? As some of you are aware I live with my mum and son and was due to leave him with her this weekend whilst I go to my partners. I am now afraid to do this incase something kicks off. I feel I need him under my wing. He doesn’t know that I know of all of this as he was asleep when I checked his phone. I’m so scared, upset and confused.
8th March 2019 at 1:14 am #73701IwantmebackParticipant
Hi lilbird, it’s been a wee while, besides this, I hope all’s going well for you. I think if your gut is telling you to stick around I would do just that. There will be other times with your partner but again, if he doesn’t get why you’re wanting to stay around for your son, that’ll be anither story. You’re right to be worrying about your son. His gf sounds a bit of a control freak , making out he’s hurting her, that’s trouble with a capital T. It’s not very grown up to get someone to see to him is it. It’s very scary and manipulative sounding to me. IF he did throw the brick why did he feel he had to do something so drastic. We react out of character when things are happening around us that confuse and upset us. It’s doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship does it?
I hope you can talk to him, we so want our kids to be happy.
I know I believe whatever my son tells me but at the same time I’m learning that he lets me down again and again, and then gets so upset cos he’s let himself down. And so his cycle of self loathing begins again. All because an abuser was in his life telling him how useless he was, how he’d never become anything of worth. I never realised how much he would be affected by his step dad’s abuse, it breaks my heart to see him living half a life.
Take care and I hope you’re worrying over nothing.
8th March 2019 at 9:46 am #73717FlowerchildParticipant
Lilbird, I’d be worried about the brick-throwing. If it’s true, your son could easily find himself being charged with ABH. The girl or her parents could involve the police. Have you spoken to your son at a calm, relaxed, private moment to find out his version of what happened? School won’t know if nobody saw or reported the incident so I wouldn’t assume she’s lying just because school hasn’t called, especially if your son didn’t respond to the girl with ‘What are you talking about?’
He needs to understand that this is not how relationships are meant to work, and that when people in a relationship disagree, they talk it out and don’t use violence or threats of violence to resolve things! He hasn’t had the greatest male role model to learn from in the past, has he? He may be confused about which behaviours are OK and which are not.
If he’s unhappy he can end the relationship or call a cooling-off period for both of them to think about what they are doing and what they want.
Does he know you are going through his phone and reading his texts? Is he OK with this?
He sounds as if he needs some wise, loving advice and some help to manage this situation.
If he is indeed using violence against this young woman, the day may come when he turns it against you. He may need help to sort this out and you are the one who can get that ball rolling.
I’m really sorry you’re confronted with this after everything else you’ve gone through, but we know that children of abusive relationships can struggle, sometimes becoming abusers or victims themselves, so I’d be inclined to seek help for him sooner rather than later, darling.
4th September 2019 at 11:21 am #87195lilbirdParticipant
Sorry its taken me so long to reply to your posts.
I am trying to keep my son on the right track. There has been another incident since so I have got his Dad involved – I cant cope with it on my own and even though my partner is supportive and no disrespect but he hasn’t got children so doesn’t really understand how desperate I get.
I am not condoning my sons actions but I feel he is trapped in this relationship with his girlfriend. She can be really verbally nasty to him reducing him to tears ( even I don’t make him try anymore! ) She’s blocked my number and doesn’t really want anything to do with me and I cant help feel that she is trying to drive a wedge between myself and my son in the hope that he’ll want to move in with her! At his young age I don’t want him tied to her that young. He’s not getting to see any of his mates as he’s always with her and I’m afraid sooner or later they wont want to know him.
Us ladies have this forum but where do teenage boys go to for help? I see there is a LoveRespect site which is helpful but again is geared around females and not males.
Hugs to you and Thank You xx
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