Telling loved ones about abuse

[goosegirl2]

Hello,

This is my first time ever posting about my abusive relationship online. It is one of the only times I have ever spoken about it really. No one in my family realizes that my relationship was abusive (at least as far as I know) and I have made passing comments to friends but never come right out and said that I was in an abusive relationship. I’m not sure how to say it and I don’t know if it’s necessary. I am also in a new relationship that is going very well but I am still afraid to tell him about my past abuse because I am afraid he will use it against me or won’t understand. He’s a good person as far as I know but I’m still cautious in confiding in him because of my past.

Any help is appreciated,
Thank you

[snowbunting]

Hello Goosegirl2, I have been through not telling anyone for a very long time and then finally speaking, the impact on some of my family was very hard to see, as we protect both ourselves and others when we do not speak up but I have owned my past and I do speak about it now both for myself and for other women.
I haven’t been in the position of telling a new partner but I have wondered if it would make me vulnerable should I ever confide something that may be seen as a weakness to another man.
Maybe in time you will know yourself when the right moment presents itself or perhaps seeing a counsellor would help to talk through what has happened to you in the past. Take care.x

[diymum@1]

Take your time and tell him very gradually test the water. I remember my new partner asking why did you stay so long why did you give it another go considering he cheated and why did you go on to have another child ? You must have loved him. I asked him to read about trauma bonding. I explained n********m and the tactics people use and how women get trapped. It took me six years to fully explain how it works xx I haven’t told him the details and not so nice details tho don’t think I ever will xx

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