- This topic has 11 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
So I have taken advice and looked at contacting my local woman’s aid group. I’ve had a look at there webpage and had decided that I would call when they open later. But here’s my problem, everything on the page is about domestic violence! And my husband isn’t violent! Does that mean that I can not access local support? Because in the past when I tried they wouldn’t help me. I had thought that things had moved on what with the change in law and stuff but perhaps I am mistaken!
-
Dear Drcamso
All types of abuse are illegal and yes, it is a bit of a legacy from pre cocercive control that some still use that term.
I am concerned that they have refused you previously on this basis though?
The thing is, many men arent violent, it has no bearing on whether they will suddenly turn violent, or murderous.
Sometimes the only violence a woman has experienced is when shes murdered. I know its shocking but its true. With any kind of abuses the possibility is there, so WA normally take it all seriously.
I would double-check with them, their position on this, as you need to access their specialist support.
If they don’t offer this, im not sure why they would exist!
Do keep posting here though, we’re all here for you to offload to and receive support from.
Warmest wishes
TS
-
Hi TS.
Sorry I just rambled a bit there. They refused to help previously because my children are male and not female!. Because of the total knock I took as a result it has taken me a long time to reach out again.
However when I looked at their website I found the terminology used to not provide support for the type of abuse I am going through. It reads as though only women suffering from violence would be welcomed too call them.
X -
Oh? Womens Aid turned you away because you had male children, and now because they only deal with women suffering violence?
This sounds odd, but maybe its widespread, i dont now.
Maybe someone else could shed more light on this.
Can they recommend any other support options for you? Maybe your doctor could recommend?
I hope you find something soon.
Warmest wishes
TS
-
Hi
My ex was emotionally abusive and he ran on coercive control. It is hard in regards to the law as I found out because even with stacks of evidence, the bar is very high to prosecute for emotional abuse. Saying that, I have had a lot of support else where and it not being based on violent abuse did not matter. It is frustrating as it seems that violence is taken more seriously but I’ve been in both types and I can honestly say that personally I find the emotional abuse so much harder to cope with x
-
Is there another charity? This sounds odd to me. Although the literature is changing now, I’ve noticed it saying DA now sometimes, but it can still say DV on other literature / sites etc. I find the police in my area are only concerned with DV or DA where there is a serious crime. The fact it is emotional, psychological and financial abuse and it effects me seems irrelevant. It’s a big punch to the gut for sure.
I would look into other options but call them as well, it may be that they dont allow any males into their building? Our local womens centre used to allow children (don’t know up to what age though as only ever saw babies and toddlers) and no men – but they have changed this now and I saw a male counsellor last time x
-
-
-
Hi guys thank you for replying. When I approached WA last time my older boys where teenagers and inwas told if I wanted helped I needed to leave them with their dad!. It’s funny really because they are adults now and when I called WA this week I was asked if I left would the boys be safe with their dad.
That’s kinda of irrelevant now. I have two small babies both boys and they have said they will help me now.
When I called they kept using the word violence. And asking about weapons etc it was like they where working to a crib sheet and had to ask the questions even though they are not relevant. However they where helpful and I will be getting a call back in the next few days, I just really hope there is someway they can help me escape x
-
-
I think they probably are working off a sheet with questions to ask but I think that’s also to try and convey we can trust them with this information and to give us a second chance to speak up that some of us may need. Many male police officers would ask me if he had ever done anything sexual that had been upsetting. I would answer completely composed “No”. When a woman from WA asked the same thing, I managed to not freeze and stutter out a “ye-e-e-e-s”. To this day, I can only write about certain experiences, I cannot get myself to say the words. Even before I reported him, the neighbours heard at times and called the police. And I would sit there and calmly explain that no, he had never harmed me – while at the same time making sure my hands were covering the bruises that were beginning to show. I guess my point is that I think they may have to ask these questions but simultaneously it is also a way to repeat questions and give us the chance to stop covering for them as we may have been doing. I have lost count of the many times I’ve had to fill in a DASH (which is 27 questions asked of domestic abuse victims and likely where the questions you were asked came from) but the only honest answers I’ve ever given to these have been to women who in no way were associated with the police.
I truly hope they can help you. I think many of us on here will agree that bruises can occur on the body as well as on the soul and I would argue that mental bruises are also a form of violence x Crossing fingers for good news and hoping you will get out safely x
-
My experience with the police did make me frustrated yet at the same time it was comforting to know that certain officers also felt the same and they would have liked to have done more but their hands were tied in regards to emotional abuse and coercive control. It was obvious to them that my ex is manipulative yet most things still come under civil law. Years ago I suffered domestic violence and that was a lot more straight forward yet still it took a lot to have something done about the situation. Back then it was fairly new that it was taken seriously so that does make me feel better that it is only a matter of time that coercive control and emotional abuse will be also taken more seriously. The guide lines are ridiculous at the moment as it’s so much more complex than the typical abuse such as stopping you going out or cutting you off from people. I think things will improve and the more we make people aware of these abusers and know that we deserve to be happy then eventually the justice system will make progress in prosecuting them and protecting us and our children xx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
