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28th November 2021 at 3:19 pm #134868AnonymousInactive
Anyone have anything to say about this?
Basically during Covid/home schooling etc I had been unable to do paid work and supported my teen with (detail removed by moderator). Kept a lot of the house work going, as well as a major law thing concluding which I managed with ex.
So guess that all left me really drained and dreading weekends as my teen is still doing things like leaving wet towels on the floor, trying on ten thousand outfits and then just leaving them around. Never washing up etc.
At times I guess I am feeling like I used to feel when livng with my ex, i.e quite frankly exploited as she doesn’t seem to appreiciate anything I do, or even notice me. I know it is not the same but I feel like withdrawing from her completely and it makes me wonder why I bother.
She is also typical teen in that she thinks I’ve lived in a cupboard all my life…sigh.
Usually when I am feeling upbeat it doesn’t bother me so much but pandemic seems to have an endless round of keeping things going as a single parent…budgeting…shopping…counting pennies…and sometimes I would just like her to acknowledge how b****y difficult it has been.
I’ve been sitting here today hating the weekend, which I dont want to do…and looking forward to her going off to (detail removed by moderator) tomorrow so I don’t have to speak to her…I feel bad about that but at the same time just so fed up of the way she doesn’t pull her weight in the flat..
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28th November 2021 at 4:15 pm #134874AnonymousInactive
Anyone? I am finding it really difficult
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28th November 2021 at 4:16 pm #134875AnonymousInactive
Bascially background also I’m sure at least fifty per cent of this is normal behaviour on teens part. Just that since I have a background of being told by ex i am a cxxp mum it is harder than otherwise.
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28th November 2021 at 6:00 pm #134879CedarlemonParticipant
Hi
I didn’t want to read your post and run. You are absolutely NOT a c@@p mother , it goes back to words they use when they’re the ones that are c@@p themselves. I remember my son when I was going through the worst of the abuse, he used to go out nearly every night, shower and leave towels everywhere with clothes on the floor. I tried talking to him but I got ignored as well. I know he was finding it terribly difficult with the situation and eventually we did sit down and talk about it . I also used to be so happy when Monday came and I could go to work and I could just get out of the house , work was /is my ‘go to ‘ place. Your daughter WILL acknowledge all that you’ve done for her in the end, it just takes time x -
28th November 2021 at 6:28 pm #134880maddogParticipant
I totally get it. I have teenagers as well, and sometimes it’s just horrible. It’s as though my ex hasn’t left the building. The plague being headed by a n**********c*st is in itself incredibly triggering. Being stuck at home has been grim. The whole thing is nothing short of horrendous.
It’s tough being an only parent. The children have so much cr*p to unpack and it’s such a difficult time being an adolescent.
There are times when our dear beloved children are so utterly unlikeable. It’s ok to find them despicable alien beings. It doesn’t mean we don’t love them. It means we’re all having a rough ride. There have been times when I would gladly have rehomed my children.
It’s so hard when their behaviour mirrors the abuse. I think it’s really important to remember our own boundaries. One day, those dear young people will have to come to terms with the abuse in the family. We all deal with it in our own ways.
You’re so not alone. It’s a rocky road and we can only do as much as we can. There’s a difference between being a grotty teenager and being an abuser.
It’s really tough being a single parent and being the only adult in the house. Especially when we’ve spent our lives in a cupboard!
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28th November 2021 at 7:13 pm #134881AnonymousInactive
Thank you so much posters C. and M for this. It has been a really tough day and I really appreciate the solidarity. I sit there on my own sometimes and think OMG I’m doing everything wrong. So it really helps to hear others who have gone through this specific thing.
Things are slightly better this evening. And it is a big help to know I’m not the only one who looks forward to Monday morning! I can’t do paid work at the moment but at least I know she gets on bus to college and then I have some space.
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28th November 2021 at 7:33 pm #134882HeadspinParticipant
I hear you, when my oldest was a teen, she was very difficult and would pick fights with me. She could be very inconsiderate and disrespectful, abuse in our home was so normal that I took it, although it made me very anxious. Now that she is an independent adult, we have spoken about her Dad’s (my husband’s) abuse, she has said that she feels guilty for some aspects of her behaviour towards me. All I can do is understand that her behaviour was an aspect of how she was kicking against his abuse. I know that she was just so angry with him (still is) but couldn’t express it and so turned on me, understandable and forgivable. I once read that children need love even when you feel they don’t deserve it.
Regarding wet towels, clothes lying around, if she has her own room, get a huge basket and put everything in there and then into her room for her to sort through. You must be under enormous strain, try and take time for yourself if that’s possible. You will get through this. -
28th November 2021 at 8:45 pm #134884AnonymousInactive
Thanks Headspin. Really glad tomorrow is Monday.
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