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I now have the keys to my new house.
He’s still in rehab with (detail removed by moderator) to go and I’ve decided (detail removed by moderator) I tell him as he’s expecting me to visit (detail removed by moderator) and I just can’t do it again.
I feel absolutely horrendous, doubting I’ve done the right thing but I’ve gone too far to back out. I feel sick as a pig that I’ve got to tell him, his parents and most importantly my own children.
He’s got no idea, I feel so bad as he’s been really nice on the phone (I feel anxious and sick talking to him knowing I’m lying) and making plans for days out and weekends away. Kids are on count down to him coming back.
I am still numb to how I’m going to say it to him and to the kids. I am going to tell his parents first , there going to see him (detail removed by moderator) and I’m expecting he’ll check himself out and come back with them.
I’m terrified of his reaction, how he’ll cope, what he’ll do when he comes back. Kids will want to see him and I’m so scared theyll want to stay in their home.
I’m thinking of suggesting we meet for a McDonald’s or something a week after so it’s public place. I don’t know how to handle custody. I’ve spoke to a solicitor so understand the general legalities but actually dealing with it will be a different kettle of fish.
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Hi Getmylifeback
You have absolutely made the right decision and you have done really well to have organised a new property for you and the children to move into.
I know this last stage is very scary and stressful and i would encourage you to speak to a domestic abuse worker either on the helpline on 0808 2000 247 or through your local DV service you go through some safety planning around telling him and also for child contact.
I would not recommend telling him face to face even if it is in a public place, if you want to explain your decision to him phone or email would be safest.
It is natural for children to miss their previous home but many children thrive once they are away from the abuse and can see that their mum is happier and more relaxed.
Take care and keep posting, we are here to support you through this.
Lisa
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let the kids know that they will still see him but your the adult and youve made a decision that you have to move slowly. they will understand as time goes on but as your job as there mum you sometimes have to make hard decisions which are the right ones all round. just say to them trust me this will be ok xxxx love diymum
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You have absolutely done the right thing. Your children and you deserve a good abuse free life. Try to take things a day at a time. Don’t rush into contact. I would arrange a contact order where he can have supervised contact if you think it’s appropriate. From what youve told me he’s an extremely manipulative selfish individual and the kids will be very much used as a pawn. So a contact centre will monitor his behaviour. And give you breathing space. It’s going to be difficult at first but you need to give this time. Maybe tell yourself you’ll put a date on the calendar, say three months, then reasses this situation. By then the fog will be clearing for you x
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try not to think off the contact centre as a bad thing – its usually a nursery they use. when i went the staff were really friendly they made a big effort with my daughter and even offered a mediator to support her. you wont have to see him as its staggered in fifteen min time slots. you can limit the contact safely this way. you can uphold a court order by simply showing up on time if your kid gets to the point they dont want to go through to see him the staff uphold the child wishes and you can go home xxxx the contact cebtre work along side cafcass and the independent lawyers and the judges xxxx one off the staff that ran it was a retired family lawyer so your in good hands – i was told its all about choice for the kids xxxx
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