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    • #90840
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      Does anyone else get constant messages from their abusive partner? I get full essays to any question and they are really condescending and always trying to guilt trip me or talk to me like my dad or something… I asked my husband to stay away (detail removed by moderator) today and got literally a thesis back! It’s exhausting…I barely reply.

    • #90841
      White Rose
      Participant

      Yes I did. So many!
      The more you reply the more you’ll get.
      The only real solution is no contact – absolutely zero contact. It’s hard but it does work – eventually. Might be worth stopping WhatsApp or adjusting settings too.
      No contact may not stop him totally but it’s a start. If the messages are abusive then police can advise on what to say and if theres a case for them to be involved.
      Keep all the messages if you can though – mine came in very useful to expose his lies for solicitor when I needed to.
      I agree it’s exhausting so look after your self xx

    • #90842
      Hetty
      Participant

      Yes mine does this. Mostly I don’t reply. This has stopped him to an extent. He doesn’t get a rise and drama he craves. But of course I still live with mine and have to face him when I get home. I only reply if I absolutely have to but keep it short. He also calls me and shouts and balls on voicemail if I don’t answer. I know that feeling when the essays come. Makes your heart sink. Keep them for any evidence you might need. Try and just skim read for and info you might need then store them away.
      Has he agreed to stay out?

    • #90843
      KIP.
      Participant

      I remember this stage. Eventually I didn’t even read them. Delusional nonsense. Know your own plan. Draw a line in your head to where you want to be and don’t deviate. It’s pointless arguing with him or even replying, it opens up more delusional nonsense. Remember they are liars.

    • #90845
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      Thanks both, they aren’t abusive but more manipulative and subtle and guilt tripping. They are always well planned out and sound quite condescending and like he’s my dad or something… he’s begrudgingly agreed to stay out and my mum is coming over to stay (detail removed by moderator) tomorrow. However in his rambling message he was going on about how he would need to come back to the house more even if he wasn’t staying there as he misses (detail removed by moderator) terribly (detail removed by moderator)!! He also said he needs to come back to (detail removed by moderator)!!! W*f!!! He’s obsessed with (detail removed by moderator)!

    • #90846
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      So I can imagine he will be here constantly but at least my mum be here. However my mum doesn’t get how it is and only sees the lovely charming version and sure she thinks I’m being over dramatic and she also manages to guilt trip me so it could be a difficult week!

    • #90857
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Yes. I was still in the relationship when he started to send me terribly long emails every single Monday morning, blaming complaining, I simply didn’t have the time to read his BS, I had children to take care of, house, cats, plenty to do, I could not also play his therapist. So I read the title and was all set and deleted his emails. I never read anything since, not even (detail removed by moderator) accusing, blaming me, I let my family filter what I needed to know and I was determined to not let any of his accusations even enter my mind.
      I blocked him everywhere. I control the ways he contacts me.
      You can block him, you do not need to read any of his lies, reading what he is sending you is letting him enter your mind, don’t let him, he really is knocking on the wrong door if he wishes to process his dysfunctional thoughts he needs to contact a therapist.
      He won’t because he can’t manipulate a therapist as good as he can manipulate a partner.
      Block him, you deserve a life with people who truly care about you, not using you as his emotional punching bag.
      To block him, clic on the contact and scroll down and select Block contact.
      To view your blocked contacts on wazzup go to setting, account, privacy, blocked contacts.

      Your mother shouldn’t judge you but support you fully not matter if she agrees with your decision or not.

    • #90862
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      HopeLifeJoy

      Thanks you make some great points. I can’t block him though as he’s still living in the house just moved out for (detail removed by moderator) weeks and we have a daughter that he’s currently seeing (detail removed by moderator) as was only way I could get him out the house… I need to move out and get away and start divorce proceedings but I’m trying to sort accommodation and also I’m being assigned a DV worker to help me plan a safe exit. How did you get away?

      (detail removed by moderator) X

    • #90863
      KIP.
      Participant

      What he’s doing is keeping as many hooks in as he can. If you’re planning a safe exit it might be worth humouring him meantime but do not let him know you’re planning to leave for good. I think you’re beginning to see the real him. He’s always been manipulative but your fog is clearing and you see his game x

    • #90873
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      KIP thanks so much and yes your right I feel like I can see what he’s been doing all along… I need to plan a safe exit and I did feel like I should be able to tell him but I no longer think that’s an option.(detail removed by moderator)? I’m feeling really anxious and scared (detail removed by moderator)… I just want him to go away … I can’t bear him. Also his parents live locally and they want to see my daughter constantly and they usually look after her (detail removed by moderator)…. god I’m just exhausted by it all

    • #90881
      diymum@1
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator). Which obviously not but he will try anything xx he’s getting lots of contact! Which will be very difficult for you being the way he is. Once things get settled (detail removed by moderator) if all is good he will at most get every second weekend and some off the holidays. The disclosure sounds like things will swing in your favour xx fingers crossed 🤞😘

    • #90899
      Hetty
      Participant

      He’s keeping his hooks in with the messages and excuses to be at the house. Humour him the best you can but I know how hard this is when really we just want them away. I’m having to do this. I haven’t told my husband a thing about what I want to happen. I’m just keeping it business as usual while making my plans. It’s so exhausting and he can tell I’m not happy. I don’t think he particularly cares though as he thinks I’m trapped.
      Let the BS messages fall off you like water off a ducks back. All lies and manipulation. You’ll be out soon enough.
      Stay strong

    • #90905
      queenmaeve
      Participant

      I have never met him. All contact has been via text. He sways between love bombing, then abuse and put-downs, trying to control my head then going awol, then telling me he misses me. He sends me texts all through the night and I feel sorry for him as he told me he had been hurt. I really don’t understand why I still talk to him but he is like a drug and its not like me at all. I feel so stupid. What do I do? I need to stop this madness. But how? He is just a friend yet I care.

    • #90944
      queenmaeve
      Participant

      Seems like he is blanking me now. I have ended up on medication over this man and its insane as I have never met him. How can a person do this via text message?

    • #91099
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      @queenmaeve
      Sorry just read this. So sorry to hear you are having such a stressful time. It sounds like you need to go ‘no contact’ to protect your heart and soul. This person is toxic and disordered. He won’t change. Save your energy my love. Take care xxxx

    • #91100
      positivelyempath
      Participant

      @Hetty

      Our situations sound very similar in that I think my husband also thinks that I’d be nothing without him… but I’m 150% done! Sending love x

    • #91143
      queenmaeve
      Participant

      Thank you for replying Positivelyempath.I have decided to go no contact and believe he has a drug and drink problem. I never knew who I was talking to and started to doubt my own sanity.x

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