Text out of the blue

[itwillbeokay]

So my husband hasn’t seen our children (he refers to them as his children) in almost (detail removed by moderator) weeks, has only ever had one to visit and not the other, has rung one time in the first month of us leaving, has behaved in very concerning ways messaging at all hours suggesting drinking etc. I haven’t heard a thing from him in almost (detail removed by moderator) weeks after two weekends of worrying messages constantly and now I wake up to a text sent, as usual, late last night (not early hours) saying simply (message removed by moderator)

I had already deemed it unsafe without aupervision a month ago after some messages he sent but he doesn’t know this as he hasn’t tried in any meaningful way to see them, just hot air and my kids this my kids that. So I haven’t actually made the step to say only contact me by email and you need to contact the courts to organise to see the children in a safe way. Or however you word it. Advice from my outreach worker. I’ve been dreading this as I know this will cause world war three to what was slowly becoming a nice happy calm existence save for my constant inner anxiety and turmoil but we are doing well in our new life. I’ve never tried to stop him seeing the children, in fact I’ve tried to get him to see both in the same way and tried to get him to ring them etc. But his behaviour lately has meant I can’t allow what’s been happening so far to continue, I wouldn’t be safeguarding them knowing what I know about his behaviour and state of mind. But I’m really scared what this will start. I don’t want a battle in our lives, I’m tired of it. But I have to protect these little innocent children and that means supervised for now. Also, why does he even think he can swan in and out and behave like this anyway. A load of messages saying it’s doing his head in sticking around suggesting he was going off somewhere, all mind games and I’m tired of it.

Help x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi itwillbeokay, ive read a few posts on here and they all mainly organise visitation thru emails. Cant be deleted by accident then either. My husband refused supervised visits with his children, why i dont know, cutting nose off to spite seems to have been, especially now i know him!!
I believed his reasons though now that would have been a major red flag to me, if i was just starting on a relationship.
Hes continuing his hold on you all, playing one child off another. Why these men are allowed to behave like this is beyond me. Speak to your advisor, and keep diary of events. It is all mind games, psychological warfare at best and yes it is so very tiring.
Good luck to you all, remember you are away from him, so you dont have to abide by his rules anymore.xx
He swans in and out as you say, because he thinks he’s entitled to, hes not. Your house your rules. I know youre tired of the conflict but think how much worse it was living with him. (Even if there were good times, were they really? Did you not start to dread when he would refer to type, be walking on eggshells)
Be kind to yourself,. Ive started writing down what i like and want to do. Its not much but its a start.
Be safe
IWMB 💕💕

[itwillbeokay]

Is this okay? I’m going to send it (detail removed by moderator) then block his number. Am a nervous wreck and feel so sad it’s got to this. I loved him so much and for so long 🙁

Going forward please use email to contact about the children only. Your behaviour over the past weeks has given me cause for concern so you will need to contact a solicitor or court to arrange safe regular visits with the children.

[itwillbeokay]

Thank you IWMB. I don’t think mine will lower himself to a contact centre or supervision but his behaviour has left me with no choice now.

I feel distraught. Especially when he says this is all part of my master plan. I mean, what?!

🙁 xx

[Anonymous]

Hi itwillbeokay,

I got to this stage too as contact handover was becoming detrimental to my second child. He just could not help himself using this short window to be abusive towards me infront of her. I had to fight hard for the contact centre as he opposed it. WA wrote me a letter in support and we never had handover in a public place again. It sounds harsh on him and if you still love him to a degree your going to feel awful. Its time to move forward now though for your kids and yourself. He will probably only get worse if you don’t draw a line now. 1. its good for your child see you take that stance and 2. You have no choice now, if he shows remorse or signs of change it is a temporary fascade. The hardest part is facing up to this. In reality this is a brand new phase of the abuse and for me worse because they can use the kids to get to you. Its wrong, its unacceptable and has to be nipped. Contact centre is invaluable, its not about him anymore he chose this path not you xx take care, I hope this post is not harsh its just that if I can spare you a little I will try. I was hear last year the situation is now completely resolved if that’s any consolation. As far as court, stand your ground every step of the way. Put yourself and your kids to the fore front now always. xx

[itwillbeokay]

It’s not harsh atall, it’s really helpful and I hugely appreciate it.

I do feel awful. So desperately sad that someone I loved so much for so long and chose to marry and have children with and really did hope we would be together forever – I really did feel like we were a true love story – trauma bond I now know! – is now this person I cannot see even to hand our children over and I don’t trust he has our children’s best interests at heart over trying to destroy me and any happiness I might achieve in life.

I have been too scared to send my reply to his text from nights ago as it’s the weekend and it could kick off all sorts if there’s drinking involved etc. I’ve chosen to ignore and try not to check my messages until sending it Monday or Tuesday. I’m so scared about the fall out. I’m scared about the inevitable battle. I’m scared it will ruin me and the wonderful happy new life I’ve created.

Xx

[teatime]

I do not have children but can well imagine what you are suffering. I hope that you will resolve this in a safe way for you and the children. It may be, if he sends threats in text form, you may have grounds to ask Police to action an injunction. xx

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you do all communication through a solicitor now?let them take the load. Do you have legal aid? It would allow time in between responses, which means you don’t get explosive reactions and they have to behave more responsibly if it’s through a professional also. It ended up costing me a fortune but it was worth it to get away from the stress xx

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the only way with theses guys is to go down the proper channels. Stay one step ahead and know their weakness – being exposed for who they really are is one. I know you loved him but there is so much better out there. Look at the big picture love fades with time when your out. Hold this in your heart you will find happyNess eventually once you’ve dealt with all of this. That’s the reward and look how far you have come already? You’ve already proved you can get through this and are strong xx

[Author]

Posts