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    • #124170
      Busyditch
      Participant

      Well, I’ve done it! I’m out! 🦋 It’s been the most traumatic 24 hours in my life. There were twists and turns all day. I’ve not slept for three days 🥱 I’m completely exhausted. I’m in a safe house which will give me intensive therapy to help me move on from the abuse. It’s not the ritz, but it’s a roof over our (my son and I) heads 🏚 and support I need to hopefully prevent me from returning back to that life of twisted mental hell. 👺 Yes I would! I almost did after just two hours of being away from the house! ☠️

      Obviously I can’t give details of the days events but I can tell you I fainted 🤪 … TWICE after hyperventilating when everything got too much. The mash up of emotions just got way too much.

      I can’t even begin to tell you all how much I appreciate all the support 👙 over the last 24 hours. Believe me when I say I was absolutely hooked 🎣 on this forum during the whole process, I never knew just how much a virtual world could carry me through 💼 . I know I posted a lot of stuff but I actually had to hold back 🚷. I could have writen an entire book from the events from the last 48 hours.

      I owe the moderators an apology!! I ignored any censorship and gave them a full time job keeping up with my unedited posts!! 🖊

      asTHANK YOY 💐 everyone who took the time to read and comment during my escape 🏎 It meant more to me than I could have ever imagined ❤️

      I already understand what everyone meant who said “now the hard work begins” I can’t keep up with all my rapidly changing emotions 🦎 I’ve already seriously said “I want to go home” 🏡 many times, yes I know it’s fkd up!!! But it’s been many centuries 👵🏼 Of living a way of life, I underestimated how hard it is to not live that way.

    • #124172
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      So glad that you are safe! Be gentle with yourself in the next few days, weeks, months, years, or as ling as you need. Your mind and body are probably still in survival mode and will take some time to settle. Pour your energy into self love❤️❤️

    • #124173
      KIP.
      Participant

      Well done. I know that feeling of craving that old life. As human beings we crave what is normal to us. Even if that normal is abuse. You’ve given your son a much better chance in life too. Trauma bonding was my lightbulb moment so google that.meantime just take things an hour at a time. Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness and lean on those who have your best interests at heart, something he never did. Leaving is like a drug habit so you will have dreadful withdrawals but these will pass. Just remember he’s not your friend, never has been and never will be so make a new normal for yourself. I was decades with my abuser and now life is wonderful. It’s a hard road and I educated myself. Read Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas and Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Look into the Freedom Programme when you’re feeling better. Eat and drink. Force yourself. You need to keep your body well now too and be very kind to yourself. We are all here to support you 💕

      • #124175
        Busyditch
        Participant

        The people that run the safe house automatically give you one to one therapy called the freedom plan. I guess that’s what you mentioned. They will give me the help I desperately need to get on my feet. It’s true what you say, it’s like a drug, I have this huge hole in my life and I want to go ‘home’ so much.

      • #124179
        KIP.
        Participant

        Abusers talk up all our headspace all the time. It’s how we live in survival mode. On high alert to his needs. That hole will take time to get comfortable with but embrace it and fill it with positive things for you x it’s like a blank page for you to colour with lovely bright pictures that you want to x

    • #124178
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I love reading, but right now I don’t think I can face reading things that might reflect my experiences. It’s like having a huge cut that needs stitching before I putting clean dressings on and begin healing. Actually that’s not a bad analogy! I still have other cuts that were never stitched and dressed so they are all infected.

      I’m going to start easy and re establish old friendships that became alienated from. I’m going to be completely open and honest with them. I know for sure they will welcome me back.

    • #124180
      Darcy
      Participant

      Hi beautiful Angel,
      Well done for getting out … what fantastic news for you and your son.
      You are probably in shock and will be for a while to come, so be kind to yourself and only do what needs to be done, the rest will fall in place over time.
      Time to be authentically you, time to shine your light, time to be your own best friend
      May all your dreams come true
      Sending you continued love and support
      Darcy xx

    • #124181
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Oh Busyditch I am so happy to hear you’re out and safe😊
      I love you’re analogy of the cut that needs stitching, it’s how I thought of my mental and physical state after I left too. Like a big infected cut that had been festering under bandages during all the abuse, and getting worse, making my whole body and mind unwell. Leaving and getting to safety gives you the chance to peel back the bandages, let light and air at your wounds, clean them and give them time to heal.
      Thinking of it this way helped me through the difficult times, understanding the wounds are there throughout the relationship, they are not caused by leaving, they are caused by the abuse.

      This is your time to heal. Be very gentle with yourself. Very small things like eating, little and regularly(the food might taste like nothing and you may have no appetite, that’s how I was), drinking plenty of water and lots of rest. I also didnt eat, sleep or (sorry for oversharing) poop for 3 days when I left. It will pass, then you’ll be exhausted! Ride the waves of emotion, you’ll get there. Its raging seas at the moment but they will calm down.

      So proud of, and happy for you. Your new life is beginning, because you are so strong and brave and took it back.xx

      • #124227
        Busyditch
        Participant

        So I’m just entering the lack of pooping 💩phase that you mentioned. 😳

    • #124182
      beachhut
      Participant

      Well done you, I am so pleased that you are safely away with your son, and that you can now concentrate on the healing process. I will not tell you this is the easy part, but this is your life now to do with as you wish, you take your time and be kind to yourself and get all the help that is offered. Reconnect with your friends and don’t be afraid to let them know your circumstances you have nothing to hide.

      Take care of you, Xx

      • #124228
        Busyditch
        Participant

        My goal for the next few days is to make contact with friends. I’ve contacted two already.

    • #124185
      Sleepypigeon
      Participant

      Hi, im so please to read that you are out and safe. We’ll done for being so strong and brave. I knew you could do it. You will feel that pull, of wanting to return and the rollercoaster of emotions. Take it a day at a time and be gentle on yourself. You have been conditioned for so long it will take time to settle. Do no be disheartened by these feelings, you are wonderful and deserve the best after being through the worst. Reach out and reconnect and take the help that is offered. I read someone post saying treat yourself like you would a friend that was in your situation as to often we are hardest on our selves. Sending u a hug. And support x

    • #124190
      Busyditch
      Participant

      Ok so here’s to being open and honest about myself…. I am and have been for some time suffering with Bulimia. I had treatment some years ago but relapsed quickly. I now realise why! 🙄 Duh!!! But right now… today…. it’s like super bad. 😔 I will address it again, when I’m ready. I’ve got more important things to address right now.

    • #124192
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      You are the most amazing, strong person. A million times well done.
      I know everyone’s been saying it, they did to me too, but it really is important to “be kind to yourself”. It’s going to be a difficult and traumatic time (yes, still!) and it’s really important that you offset that with positivity and kindness.
      I found that the best thing I did for myself in those early days was a warm bath (with bubbles) and, crucially, a candle with a smell that I really really loved. The positivity you can get from a smell is immense.
      Also, take time just to be alone and peaceful. Play relaxing music or even sounds, or some mindfulness or relaxation stuff. The BBC Sounds app is good. Spotify has some great playlists (I’ve just discovered guitar music which is so chilled!) and Insight Timer and Calm are two apps which you could explore.
      The important thing is the peace and the space.

      Keep coming back, Honey. You have taken the most massive step, and we’re all here to take you by the hand and walk with you while you embark on your recovery.

      LB 💕💕💕💕

    • #124200
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Great news and great advice from the other women. Be gentle with yourself hug your son take one moment at a time. So pleased – you are awesome xx

    • #124206
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Fantastic news. I’m so sorry that it was so traumatic for you but wonderful that you are out. You sound so grounded already. You are very in tune with what you need right now – to start to close the wounds. You can’t do it all at once and it sounds wise to wait until you’re ready to tackle your bulimia. Big hugs my lovely. You are amazing.

    • #124211
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi there,

      Great to hear you and your son are safe, Busyditch. Please don’t worry about the editing of your posts; thank you for updating us. You have done so well, as others have already said- give yourself time and lean on the support available.

      Take care and do keep posting to us when you are able to.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #124254
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello Busyditch

      Well done I am so pround of you that you made the
      Next step to get out I now it was not easy for you
      But you did it you are amazing take each day easy
      . I now things will be hard for you for a bit but you will feel better in time .

      I am happy your geting the surport you need

      Sending you hugs xx

    • #124355
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Your welcome I ment to say I am proud of you
      My phone sometimes put letters in I dont want
      . X*x

    • #124476
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      I’m so pleased for you Busyditch! I’m sorry to hear how traumatic it was but it’s so wonderful that you did it anyway.

      I hope you’re starting to feel more settled. You are amazing! 💕💕💕 xxxxxx

      • #124533
        Busyditch
        Participant

        Thank you. I’ve still a long way to go. But I guess I’m on my way.

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