1st April 2016 at 8:45 am #12640White RoseParticipant
Ayanna posts some real down to earth common sense.
She said in another thread that divorcing an abuser is like going to war. I want to say thank you Ayanna as it struck a cord and made me calmer for some reason.
It’s so true. You have your period of unrest often over years then things escalate and war becomes inevitable. You’ve known it’s coming so you get your troops around you – your General (the solicitor) the artillery (any evidence you have stored) and the troops (any friends and family you can find for support) you’ll have your out of battle team too – the medics (GP, Domestic abuse worker, this site) for support in the background and to mend you along the way before you have to go back out and fight.
You fight your battle over months sometimes years and you get wounded emotionally along the way, you may lose friends, and war is costly financially too.
Eventually you get your first battle medal the decree nisi. You feel a victory ahead but you’ve still got the storming of the financial fortress to deal with. Once you come out of that you hear rumours the war is coming to an end, the enemy guns are in the distance but can fire again at any time. Your campaign medal arrives the decree absolute and you’re so battle worn you put it in a drawer for later, it doesn’t mean much now as you feel traumatised and this dampens the elation you think you should feel.
Life never quite feels the same after the battle ends. You feel on edge, the enemy can still attack you may have PTSD, you’re not quite sure how to spend your days and how to move on. Your family and friends are also casualties of the war process.
Eventually the war is history and the world turns in a positive way again. The sad thing is you know that someone somewhere is about to enter another war zone.
Thank you Ayanna xxxxx
1st April 2016 at 11:38 am #12642lover of no contactParticipant
Fantastic analogy, its so true. No wonder we feel as we do. We really are marvellous, true heroes and trying to protect our families and homes in the process.
Its a miracle we survived and are still surviving despite the onslaught.
1st April 2016 at 12:42 pm #12645AyannaParticipant
Oh, thank you White Rose!
You described this so well!
We are all Warrior Queens. Let’s carry our heads high and be proud of our victories 🙂 🙂 🙂
For me victory was the only acceptable outcome. I fought until I won. The victory for me was that he got a sentence, a rubbish sentence only, but at least a sentence. He lost the war over money big time.
I suffered an enormous trauma, but I would have fought until my last breath. There was no way I would give in.
If we fight with determination, abusers will lose out against us Warrior Queens.
1st April 2016 at 8:00 pm #12678SerenityParticipant
Yes, I like to think that I am being a warrior against him, too!
It was like a war zone: the abuse, the fear, the destruction, the attempt to take control and monopolise…
I also think that my ex used tactics used by tyrants in prisoner of war camps: coercive control, brainwashing, instilling of fear by covert means.
The thing about ‘totalitarian regimes’ where people are oppressed: there is always a rebellion and uprising in the end! People don’t stay oppressed forever!
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