That's just the way men are?

[Peaceful Pig]

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. People accepting grumpy, unhelpful or abusive behaviour from men. What exactly is it they have to be so grumpy about? And why are people so accepting of this? I have little experience of non-abusive men but I have heard two men on the radio this week: The first was suffering extreme poverty and sold his kidney in desperation to provide for his wife and children. The second a soldier suffering PTSD who was able to take full responsibility for the way he behaved and sought treatment to prevent it hurting his family. It gives me some hope that there are responsible, brave, kind men in the world. They’re a far cry from our ex’s who have no respect, deliberately hurt their partners and steal from their own children xx

[Nova]

PP…good post, to bring this ‘grumpy men’ / acceptance up.
I often wonder that to, many women say that ‘oh it’s just men’ and they’re all like that etc etc etc…maybe it makes them feel better, excusing them & accepting a miserable life with a dominating boorish bore. So as not to be alone, a lot of people fear being alone.
I was encouraged by females to just get on with it, and they’re all like that! When really I was crying out for help with The dominator, it was deeper than grumpy.
I hear stories all the time and see the way my friends and family treat each other..most expected to and accept their mans grummpy arrogant treatment, just as if it’s all fine! …’It’s just them’

I will often say …’not all men are like that’and you’ve given good examples.

I know of caring considerate mature men who cherish their partners and children and family, friends..make great work colleagues and just nice to be around.
Happy & positive ‘normal’ does exist! We can’t use our past perpetrators as any kind of example of other non abusive people..otherwise how would the world turn around if it was only filled with the wicked.

Good men are out there too, have hope.

Thanks PP & have a good weekend.

Cx

[Serenity]

It frustrates me when I sometimes tell my mum the things that my ex is doing, and even she says ‘that’s what men are like’ or ‘men are selfish and immature like that.’

She seems to dismiss the full horror of it in a way, and the unacceptable nature of abusive behaviour coming from a man. If you are in a work place, there are normally anti- bullying policies and procedures for taking action against bullying ( not all work places are effective in this, I know, but it’s meant to be blanket policy); children are taught courteous behaviour in school and are often punished for bad conduct; but if you hear how a man has done abominable things like abandoned his family overnight for another woman, been impatient and unkind to the children, hidden money, controlled the woman’s development for years, taken her earnings, engaged in horrific emotional, mental and sexual abuse long term do that they’ve completely dismantled the mental health of the woman and/ or children, many people will say ‘that’s what men are like’, as if it lets them off the hook, that by virtue of their gender these things are expected and excused.

The good men- who are out there, the dads who don’t fall at the first hurdle, the men who are compassionate and morally strong and are a constant and good role model for their children – put these other men to shame.

I don’t think the behaviour of abusive men should be dismissed. These men – if you can call them that- might come across to many as merely immature or that they ‘find family life a challenge’ (as if we don’t!), but behind closed doors they are wreaking havoc and such intense damage that they are propelling their personality problems into the next generation.

[Robin]

I’m in full agreement with you ladies. I do sometimes find myself envying other ladies who have men who obviously dote on them and their children – when I see these couples it highlights just how different my relationship is and serves as a reminder that there are decent men out there.

If we’re unhappy we shouldn’t just except it. Life is too short.

[Ayanna]

I think men would behave themselves better if there was a legal punishment (removed by moderator) if they misbehaved towards women.

[Liquorice]

Yep, i was told this in work today when asked if i was ok as i looked tired, ” thats just men love youll get used too it” thats the problem here though, i am used to it, it is normal for me.

[Author]

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