This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  lover of no contact 3 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #87951
     Ifatfirstyoudontsucceed 
    Participant

    I know no-one can help. I just wanted to write about it and think you’ll all believe me and understand. I feel physically sick and so ashamed and stupid for trusting them. I think he may look on here, probably not, but just in case I don’t want to give details. Actually I do but can’t risk it. I couldn’t do some things because of abuse. These people (professionals but not da workers) know why. They are bullying me and wrote accusing me of not bothering to turn up. They already know I feel bullied by them. They’re meant to help. I feel so sick.

  • #87952
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Do you have somebody fighting your corner with you? Women’s Aid? Victim Support?

  • #87955
     Ifatfirstyoudontsucceed 
    Participant

    I’ve got an advocate related to the professionals work but she doesn’t know about the abuse. I was scared to tell her but decided to give an edited version when she’s free. The process is slow though. My local da services aren’t good. I’ll go through the national helpline if I ever get ready to leave. I thought I was but this is taking all my focus. I’ll just have to keep trying I suppose but needed to vent. They are doing so much that he’s done minus the physical violence. I felt knocked down by it all.

  • #87968
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Abusers thrive on silence. I think you need to confide in someone. If the professionals don’t know all the facts they won’t know how to treat you or deal with your situation. You can bet if they speak to him he will be filling their head with nonsense. As a victim of abuse, our heads are already full of suspicion, paranoias, doubt, mistrust. It becomes automatic. Try to have a goal and stick to it. Imagine a path leading to that goal and don’t leave that path. It’s easy to get side tracked. It’s hard to open up about abuse but once I did, there was so much help available and I grabbed it all x

  • #87974
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    “You can bet that if he’s speaking to them he will be filling their head with nonsense” I second that. Professionals can be manipulated by abusers and abusers will try and influence them if they are involved in our situation.

    I had an apt with a professional and my ex (who I was living with at the time) saw my apt card. I arrived at my apt and the first thing the professional said was I just got a call from your husband saying “my wife with her obsessional/compulsive disorder…..!” I had made apt with professional to discuss ways to cope with his bullying which was grinding me down.

    My abuser’s facade is of a renowned professional in his field so he’s very believable and comes across well but although he convinced (court detail removed by moderator) It was glorifying abuser and dismissing me. But all one ok in the end but I know how you feel. It’s terrifying when professionals( who have the power to make decisions about our life and our children’s life) are duped by the abuser.

    W.A., keep posting on here; keep reading the posts and you’ll get through this.

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