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    • #145694
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Just having a weird feeling just now, anyone else been here or felt the same?

      Im going through a ‘honey moon’ stage at the moment, nothing could be better between ‘us’. If i thought about it is still not how i really want things to be but for ‘us’ its good and Im happy.

      I know the cycle, I know it will come again, and it might be a short sharp shock or a big dark patch.

      I can step back and look at this confidently for the first time, Im not frightened by it anymore, I guess its a feeling of strenght maybe? and I see it so clearly and clamly that is feels strange, like I have just woken up to everything.

      The calm is giving me time to think about what to do when things change again.

      My support worker is lovely and so patient which im finding really helpful, she is constantly reminding me when the time is right, it will just happen or i will be ready to make it happen.

      I wonder maybe if he realises Im not putting up with things anymore he will back down, either way I am looking after myself better and looking forward more rather than backwards. Looking forward to being healthy and happy rather than miserable and controlled by what he thinks I should be or what he thinks I should be doing.

      Has anyone got to this point and where did you go from here, be interested in how things are for you or any advise xx

    • #145697
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      It’s a strange feeling when those glasses fall off isn’t it, it really made me question everything and like you say, also gave me strength. Realising you’re not the problem is a huge step. Initially I stayed and gave things another go with this new knowledge but the trust had gone and I realised I wasn’t living, just surviving in this pattern. I guess like your support worker said, for me something just clicked, it wasn’t even a big incident, I was just done putting him first and my journey to leaving began. Be careful as when they realise you’re changing it can be dangerous and expect the whole array of behaviours while he tries to work out how to get you compliant again. For now, enjoy this new insight and strength.xx

    • #145716
      Mellow
      Participant

      Realisation was and still is the hardest bit for me we have children together one was recently planned but now I know I can’t live like this and you may think that too.the cycle is horrible they are nice one minute nasty the next.I’ve found myself playing along since aswell hoping he leaves so I don’t pick up this bad behaviour because trying to live it makes you wonder how do they live this life it’s like constantly putting on a show .he never ever puts his phone down I knew this before but now it feels like an obsession he puts that thing before his family and sleeps with it!i can’t believe I’ve put up with it this long and been abused so long I was crying and never knew what I’d done and he’d never care me and family members were sick he was never there until my parent got really bad and died I told him it’s bad but I felt unsupported then my parent died I know now he only thought of himself at this period and me running to support my parent was an inconvenience until death me being sick was an inconvenience I remember clearly him (detail removed by moderator) I started speaking to someone else with boundaries and I still can’t believe it we are not together but is still wanting little things from me like a relationship I suggest you try leave it’s not a life and they never change

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