Viewing 7 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #67614
      itwillbeokay
      Participant

      I love this time of year and the build up to Christmas especially with the children at the age they are. But this is the first year since I’ve left earlier this year. I want to be happy and excited but I have a constant feeling of guilt at splitting up our family eating away at me and I’m so sick of it. It’s there 24/7 dragging me down. How are other people dealing with it all? Xx

    • #67615
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      After i left my first husband, Christmas was never the same. My 2nd husband, helped buy the presents, went through the motions ., but over the years pulled back more and more. They’re your family not mine. I literally now dread Christmas from about 3 months before it happens. As do my grown up children.

      Try and start new traditions, are they going you see their father over the Christmas period. Make sure you have contact organised. We did one Christmas with their dad, the next with me. So they’d go over on Christmas eve and come back on Christmas night. As they got older i let them choose more, but having my oh as step dad, they preferred being with their dad. Plus they both went to live with him early teens😢
      You’re so right, it’s the guilt that’s eating you up. Once you put plans into motion, hopefully you’ll start to feel less anxious.
      I hope you do find a way to make Christmas the magical special time it should be💜

      IWMB 💕💕

    • #67646
      Tiffany
      Participant

      My first year was really tough. Honestly I felt like a bit of a failure and I didn’t even have kids to consider. I was lucky in that my friends knew it was a tough time for me and rallied round to support me. I am feeling much stronger and happier this year and am much more organised. I think the key thing to remember is that you are making your kids Christmases better. It might be hard to be your usual enthusiastic self this year. It’s a huge change. But this year there won’t be the traditional Christmas abuse because you didn’t cook the dinner right/spent too much/spent too little. You won’t have the traditional crying or the traditional fear. And your kids are young enough that your new traditions will be their Christmas traditions. They won’t think of Christmas as a time when Daddy made Mummy cry. This is a good thing! If your partner was anything like mine then Christmas without him can’t be worse than Christmas with him. My partner made it his mission to suck all joy out of Christmas for me and then watch me try to put a brave face in front of the family. None of that for us this year. You just need to get through the anxiety of this one and it all gets better.

      The idea of making a new tradition with the kids is a good one. Make a gingerbread house or feed the birds on Christmas morning, or go carol singing. Whatever appeals to both you and the wee ones. You’ve got this! It’s going to be a happy Christmas.

    • #67777
      itwillbeokay
      Participant

      Thank you so much ladies, your words are so helpful.

      The guilt is such a terrible thing when you did nothing wrong in the first place. I didn’t did I. I’m pretty sure I didn’t, I just wanted us to be happy and kind and respectful and live a calm uneventful life together with our children.

      xx

    • #67780
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi itwillbeokay, the only thing we do wrong is being a woman. Other than that, no, you did not do anything wrong.
      Just believe you’re doing okay and things will get better. Xx
      IWMB 💕💕

    • #67865
      itwillbeokay
      Participant

      Thank you IWMB, so much xx

    • #118527
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hi just wanted to add – the guilt is his and his alone -you left and will have protected your children by doing so DA is never healthy environment for children. Secondly healing takes ages it goes in fits and starts sometimes I feel back to the beginning and he is back in my head and it’s awful other time I’m doing great. It’s really early days for you and healing just can’t be forced so take your time feel proud of what you have achieved and it will be okay you are in the driving seat now x

    • #118724
      Madmam
      Participant

      My eldest, when told I had broken up with my (not their dad), said ‘thank GOD for that mammy!’. That’s when I knew I did the right thing.

      Your kids might even say this was the best Christmas ever, because it was quiet and without fear. You helped make it so.

Viewing 7 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account