10th August 2019 at 9:09 pm #85465marmaladechampParticipant
I’ve managed to keep relatively positive about the complete turmoil my life has become but today has been difficult. I feel so sad and have been quite emotional. I keep asking myself was everything a lie? Did he really love me and was it genuine? Did he mean the nice things he said on a good day that made me feel good? I’ll probably never truly know and that cuts deep.
On a more positive note I had the luxury of having a lie in, getting up and making a pot of coffee a d watching tv this morning without his pestering me to get up because he was up. It was peaceful. I went for a nice long walk and then had a trip to the cinema on my own.
The sadness and grief hurts so much though and I am trying to keep it all together but I feel broken. Picking up the pieces is tough.
10th August 2019 at 10:59 pm #85474HopeLifeJoyParticipant
I know honey, it’s heartbreaking, you’ll never know if the loving words he said were true or not, you can only be certain of your own feelings, the love you felt for him was real, honor your feelings of what once was, cry it out, it will get better again, tears must come out before you’ll feel better, it will be ok.
Comfort yourself and treat yourself with warm calming tea and get a big kitchen towel to cry in, believe me when those big tears are running you might as well get comfortable. Once they are out you’ll feel better.
You had a nice day today, keep caring for yourself in such way, step by step, you are doing great.
Keep posting tomorrow and get a good night sleep 💕😴
10th August 2019 at 11:03 pm #85475lover of no contactParticipant
Hang on in there. You’re doing great. The first weekend without him and you’ve already had so many positives with a lovely lie-in and being able to do relaxing things. It’s all positive. And you’re not on the receiving end of negative words, actions and looks by your abuser. Peace.
However it’s very early days so the huge overwhelming feelings need to be processed and come up. I didn’t have time to feel when in my cycle of abuse; I was too busy trying to survive plus do all the jobs that they leave for us to do. So now with a bit of space the feelings of loss , the void , the longing come up. I find it helpful to remember that “this too will pass”. Just carry on taking self/care actions as you’re doing and let the feelings just be there; even though it doesn’t feel good. They will pass through you.
“Feelings are like visitors..they come and go”
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