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    • #143928
      IAmGoodEnough
      Participant

      I am hoping you guys can give me some tips on how to get past the hurdles of finding a place to rent. These hurdles are both practical and emotional ones.

      For some background, I will not be discussing this with him ahead of time. Last time he got wind of me leaving he used every trick in the book to stop me except actual violence. It has taken me years to get to a place emotionally where I feel strong enough to try again.

      I am now only just at the point where I am willing to start viewing houses, like a little test of courage. I have to trick my brain by telling myself that I don’t have to commit to anything because I panic everytime I see a suitable house. Like my brain tells me “what if its perfect? You will HAVE to actually follow through and leave him! How will you tell the kids? What is he going to do?!” Etc etc

      Anyway I have an incredible support network. My parents have agreed to be guarantors bc he destroyed my credit rating. I have a work colleague willing to accompany me to house viewings. Dozens of people at the standby waiting to help in anyway possible. Everyone I know is asking around about available houses.

      So I got up the courage to view a house. A friend sent the enquiry from her email so my name was kept out of it. They replied saying that I had to complete a pre viewing application first that included name address, employer, others living in house, credit score info etc etc. The last thing I want is my information recorded with every local estate agent. I know I could use someone else’s info but surely lying isn’t going to help my case when I find one I want and have to tell them the truth. Especially as the house market is so competitive right now.

      Has anyone else experienced this? How did you handle it?

      It’s difficult enough to push through the emotional and psychological resistance without this as well.

      Thanks in advance for any advice anyone can offer.

    • #143960
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Not all estate agents do this, some do to test how serious you are and to speed the process up if you like the property. Couple of ideas could be to use your parent’s address? Use a ‘care of’ address, which could be a friend’s? Use a different estate agent (unless it’s that certain property you want)? Ask if this form is necessary as you’re extra careful about sharing personal info but you’d be happy to complete if you decide to proceed? Have you also contacted your local council? They support homelessness due to domestic abuse and either you might be eligible for a house via then or they also help with deposits and possibly this kind of admin/forms too. Good luck and I hope you find a good one xx

    • #143991
      IAmGoodEnough
      Participant

      Thank you @bananaboat
      I feel a bit daft asking now. Such obvious simple answers. I think with this whole process I get so foggy minded that everything feels like a massive barrier because I can’t think logically. I will definitely try your suggestions.

      I know that council housing is a solution but I have taken it off the table for the time being for various reasons but mainly because I feel like I am not in control and people who know us work at the department that would process it. So too risky. I know data protection should stop that being an issue but I live in a small town.
      Thanks for the help x

      • #144011
        Bananaboat
        Participant

        No worries at all, this was me just a few months ago and it’s scary & your mind doesn’t stop. I couldn’t make simple decisions so don’t beat yourself up, I’m just happy I could help xx

      • #144013
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        Hi

      • #144015
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        Hi IAmGoodEnough

        Really good questions.

        I have found that all letting agents directly discriminate against anyone that is reliant on Housing Benefits, or has pets.

        These discriminations are supposed to be outlawed, and there is a test case or two that set the precedent for this being found to be breaking discrimination laws (not sure of the exact law, but maybe just the case that sets the precedent).

        It does mean that pretty much all letting agents deny access to rentals, or put really strong barriers up to prevent gaining access to rentals, such as you speak of, like handing over all your details up front, and then keeping them on record, even though at this stage you were only an enquiry and would like to look, not hand over your personal, including financial, information.

        I have viewed a place, and offered six months rental in advance (a very kind friend offered this!), plus having a guarantor, was the first one to enquire, followed the advice of the agent in terms of what they (the LL) was looking for, and anything that would enhance our chances of securing it. Declined without comment!

        Everywhere is the same. Many don’t even view places, they see them online and apply direction, so they are removed from the market without even having been viewed. It is shocking the state of the rental market and the disadvantages and blocks we are at the mercy of.

        Letting agents are discriminating, and so are LL. Its widespread.

        I hope you are getting on better than we are!

        (please excuse the other reply that just says ‘hi’! …sorry! couldn’t delete it.)

    • #144020
      IAmGoodEnough
      Participant

      Thank you both.
      It’s so frustrating that I turn from an intelligent woman into a space case when I start stepping out of comfort zone. But baby steps, right?

      Yeah I forgot to mention I have a dog which is a whole other issue that I am not gonna mention to agents at this stage.

      I guess I will just keep plugging away. Is it normal to be freaking out that I might actually find somewhere and then have to face the reality of actually doing this but then feeling totally fed up and frustrated when I can’t seem to find anything? I wish he would just leave but I know that isn’t going to happen. This is all just so hard and confusing.

      • #144030
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        well no, its to be expected I’d say. It is huge, its massive, to uproot like this, not only to break from the relationship without him knowing, so having to do it all in secrecy, the reality of that can be dizzying in itself, but then to go through all that anxiety to pursue somewhere and then the opportunity be gone, pulled away, just like that.

        A very very tough tango indeed. Good luck with keeping up the strength for it x

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