11th September 2019 at 8:49 pm #87873
I don’t know why but his line ‘Ive moved on and you should too’ even years later makes me sick. We were still married, he’d been caught in an affair and when I ended things he turned it all round like I was the abuser and he was wronged. Even after he said this he stalked and assaulted me. I was so very broken back then and his callous uncaring evil nature came out. Looking back I did move on very quickly from him, it was the trauma that’s taken me years to move on from. Funny how one sentence can have such an impact. Even from the mouth of a pathalogical liar. So try not to dwell on the sentences they say. It’s just their delusional mumblings from the delusional world they live in x
11th September 2019 at 9:03 pm #87874
what rings true for me was this sentence – kind off similar ; it wasnt the kids i walked out on it was you and id never have you back! firstly i ended things and he never took responsibilty for anything – including the children. it was the cheek that really got me and yes looking back this was a very delusional but deep dig. especially after supporting his abuse for many years thinking he was depressed xx what a fool i was to stay so long before seeing the light xx least we can kip xx
11th September 2019 at 9:08 pm #87875
Isn’t it strange. It’s like two separate events. Their and ours and it makes you quite confused. It really is a kind of gaslighting. I told him I didn’t love him anymore and he messaged later ‘When I told you I didn’t love you anymore’. W*f. That’s what I said. Really really crazy making behaviour.
11th September 2019 at 11:16 pm #87879IwantmebackParticipant
Too many to mention.
How it’s all your fault not theirs,
I’m getting the i’ll love you forever, you’re the only one for me, pictures of Mr&Mrs, then first initial of his surname. I no longer use it as he said one evening when fairly annoyed that as I no longer lived with him I lost the right to use it🤣🤣🤣 as if it would be such a big deal. So delusional. How we’re not legally married as we got married abroad!!! Yeah like we never looked into that before we did it🤣🤣.
I know No Contact is the only way to go and I will once I’ve moved out the area. He has no idea how strong I am now💪💞
12th September 2019 at 9:09 am #87884
I had that too – when he was arrested the police told him to not contact me or go anywhere near me. He said “I don’t want to go near her anyway” – like I’M the problem?! Like I am the one that assaulted HIM? That single comment nearly tipped me over the edge. It hurt so much, I felt so unloved and unwanted by a man whom I still loved and should have been fighting for me, doing anything in his power to make my life easier and not keep hurting me. Just have to keep remembering they will say anything to protect themselves, and make themselves feel better about the miserable abusers they are. And we just have to take everything they say with a pinch of salt and stay strong. Easier said than done 🙁 Hope you’re okay KIP x
12th September 2019 at 9:46 am #87886
Yes, I’m okay thanks. They know us so well and they know what hurts most. I remind myself that I don’t ever want to be around someone that cruel lacking in any moral compass. He doesn’t deserve to be in my life. I choose supportive people to be in my life now. I’m very choosy. No more takers x
12th September 2019 at 9:47 am #87887
I bet they wouldn’t even remember saying those things, they say so much that is delusional. It just trips over their tongues.
12th September 2019 at 9:56 am #87888
Yep, my ex chooses to conveniently forget cruel and heartless things he says, or tries to explain his way out of them. They do know how to push our buttons and how to hurt us – it’s a shame we fell in love with people that actually want to do that to someone who loves them. As always, we are the ones who end up hurt and they just get off scott free. x
12th September 2019 at 11:08 am #87889
Hopefully not totally scott free ✊️
12th September 2019 at 11:16 am #87890
Not if we can help it =D
12th September 2019 at 12:49 pm #87893FudgecakeParticipant
I’m amazed at his knack of using a compliment to demean me. Very clever as the words sounded nice but really it was a back handed put down and if I reacted he would use the “you’re over sensitive “ tactic.
I found these snide comments harder to deal with than the blatant toxic ones.
12th September 2019 at 12:53 pm #87894
Gaslighting is a seriously insidious thing Fudgecake!
13th September 2019 at 10:54 am #87922Had.enoughParticipant
Him: “Hey babes, i need you to sit down. I have something to tell you.
I can’t tell you its ok forget it.
Oh right… ok … well my colleagues at work.
no you will get upset…
dont get upset..Ok.. ?
they have been saying stuff about your appearance and how i could do better.
you look upset. See this is way i can’t tell you things.
* an example of what he said when i was heavily pregnant with our child *
13th September 2019 at 10:55 am #87923Had.enoughParticipant
They can say hurtful things just to get a reaction from you.
13th September 2019 at 3:30 pm #87937NotgoingunderParticipant
How could you NOT get upset by that Had.enough! And why on earth would a remotely decent person say such a thing? I had a lot of that myself. Everyone thinks you’re a tart and everyone hates your children. I just couldn’t believe an intelligent man (or seemingly so) could think that’s ok to say! They basically like to project their insecurities onto you. None of us ladies on here will ever understand it totally because we couldn’t be further from that kind of person.
13th September 2019 at 9:11 pm #87956JustKeepSingingParticipant
My ex decided to use a birthday card ‘ from the kids’ to tell me about my saggy boobs and stretch marks…
When I didn’t find it funny, because, you know it’s my birthday and actually I don’t really have either of those things I was told
“You’ve got no sense of humour anymore, clearly it’s a joke” then ripped the card out my hand and threw it in the bin.
13th September 2019 at 11:13 am #87925
his colleagues wouldnt have said that i bet. i have painful joints and i was having a flare up at the time. i was struggling to get out off the car one morning and low and behold a ‘hotty’ as he would call young women (too young for him maybe 16 and above)he would say look at her waw and look what im stuck with a cripple – great. and walk ahead head down embaressed to be seen with me! lol i can laugh now but a descent man surely would have helped his partner? in the REAL world xx love diymum
13th September 2019 at 11:13 am #87926
Goodness me Had.enough! That is one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard! Bet you are relieved you are shot of that idiot!
13th September 2019 at 11:15 am #87927
what b******s they are looking back well shot!! 🙂 xx
13th September 2019 at 11:17 am #87928
you know the ironic thing was he caused my ilness that kind off gets to me xx grr the audacity off these men i wouldnt even call them that boys! xx
13th September 2019 at 12:24 pm #87931
Psychology would say it all stems from their own insecurities. I think they’re just cruel nasty people who get enjoyment from hurting us in particular x
13th September 2019 at 12:41 pm #87932
i agree there wrong doing lies heavy on there shoulders – not one word off truth in any off the above and thats all we need to know – onwards and upwards xxxx
13th September 2019 at 1:09 pm #87933LandyParticipant
I could write a book on this….
My ex often told me I was so disgusting, he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore. Nothing to do with his alcoholism then….
Then he told people he’d dumped me and moved out, when he’d actually been arrested and taken into custody.
And he’s constantly told people that I’m abusive. That grinds my gears so much after all he put me through.
They just work out what your weak spots are and go for them. Nothing was too low for him.
13th September 2019 at 2:43 pm #87935
Yes, I used to say he would go straight for the jugular. As DIYMUM has said. None of it is true, and that’s all we need to know. I think it messes with our heads because these are the life partners we have chosen. Why in hell would they deliberately set out to destroy us? But they simply do. How strong we must be. These men picked the wrong victims when they picked us x
16th September 2019 at 10:21 pm #88107
13th September 2019 at 7:32 pm #87947Apple118Participant
Mine has said too many to keep track…
“You’re a s**g”
“Your kids will grow to hate you”
“I’m glad your best friend is dead-hahaha“(he loves throwing that one in)
“You’re a terrible mother”
“You’re vile .. you’ve lost your looks”
There’s more .. some of it too bad to write on here really .
13th September 2019 at 8:00 pm #87950
I’m sorry you had to go through this Apple, it just shows how immature and dysfunctional these men really are. I once told my ex I thought he’d let himself go. He was the heaviest he had ever been. Was breathless when out walking. Would wear the same suit for days. Oh boy did he not like that. He was raging at me. What an insensitive thing to say and I could have put it better. When I asked how exactly I could have said it, he didn’t have an answer. Yet the vile stuff he would say was supposed to be ok. Looking back that small comment exposed his total insecurities. I’m having a sneaky smile now but it was never said with the intention of hurting his feelings.
13th September 2019 at 9:13 pm #87957JustKeepSingingParticipant
My ex is amazing at inventing whatever little stories he thinks will get him the most sympathy…unfortunately I fell for it and got trapped – lord only knows what he’s telling people now.
I honestly think he lies so much he believes it!
13th September 2019 at 9:23 pm #87959
Yes, they convince themselves of their lies and their innocence. I think mine would pass a lie detector 😂 he thought the more he repeated something the truer it would,become,
13th September 2019 at 9:59 pm #87963
you know i got a confession off this im a convincing actor!! xx thats what he said
14th September 2019 at 7:15 pm #88003imsosadParticipant
my favourite line. if you didnt nag i wouldn’t drink!!!
16th September 2019 at 6:02 pm #88095DonkeyParticipant
When they say that you abused them. Every they did to you, you actually did to them? That I find drives me crazy more than anything else. He plays the victim. While I try to just put a brave face on for our (detail removed by moderator) month old daughter every day.
17th September 2019 at 12:41 pm #88121MoonbeamParticipant
I still think about some of the things he said. They made me realise how manipulative he actually was. I still here him in my nightmares and if I do something wrong everyday I hear him calling me useless. I broke down in tears in front of my Mam and sister the other day because I didn’t fit into a dress that I liked and I’d heard his voice calling me “fat.”
I’ve been told it takes time, but I didn’t think that it would take this long.
17th September 2019 at 12:44 pm #88122
Hi Donkey. What is more shocking is they all do it! It’s such a common tactic and you can often catch them out. If they accuse you of something, you can bet they’re doing it.
Moonbeam, yes it does take time to get his voice out your head. It drove me crazy for a long time. I found a tip on here. When his voice jumps in, just say to yourself ‘I accept what you’re saying but I choose to ignore you’ x
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