This topic contains 33 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 17 hours, 58 minutes ago.

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  • #87873
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I don’t know why but his line ‘Ive moved on and you should too’ even years later makes me sick. We were still married, he’d been caught in an affair and when I ended things he turned it all round like I was the abuser and he was wronged. Even after he said this he stalked and assaulted me. I was so very broken back then and his callous uncaring evil nature came out. Looking back I did move on very quickly from him, it was the trauma that’s taken me years to move on from. Funny how one sentence can have such an impact. Even from the mouth of a pathalogical liar. So try not to dwell on the sentences they say. It’s just their delusional mumblings from the delusional world they live in x

  • #87874
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    what rings true for me was this sentence – kind off similar ; it wasnt the kids i walked out on it was you and id never have you back! firstly i ended things and he never took responsibilty for anything – including the children. it was the cheek that really got me and yes looking back this was a very delusional but deep dig. especially after supporting his abuse for many years thinking he was depressed xx what a fool i was to stay so long before seeing the light xx least we can kip xx

  • #87875
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Isn’t it strange. It’s like two separate events. Their and ours and it makes you quite confused. It really is a kind of gaslighting. I told him I didn’t love him anymore and he messaged later ‘When I told you I didn’t love you anymore’. W*f. That’s what I said. Really really crazy making behaviour.

  • #87879
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Too many to mention.
    How it’s all your fault not theirs,
    I’m getting the i’ll love you forever, you’re the only one for me, pictures of Mr&Mrs, then first initial of his surname. I no longer use it as he said one evening when fairly annoyed that as I no longer lived with him I lost the right to use it🤣🤣🤣 as if it would be such a big deal. So delusional. How we’re not legally married as we got married abroad!!! Yeah like we never looked into that before we did it🤣🤣.
    I know No Contact is the only way to go and I will once I’ve moved out the area. He has no idea how strong I am now💪💞
    IWMB 💞💞

  • #87884
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    I had that too – when he was arrested the police told him to not contact me or go anywhere near me. He said “I don’t want to go near her anyway” – like I’M the problem?! Like I am the one that assaulted HIM? That single comment nearly tipped me over the edge. It hurt so much, I felt so unloved and unwanted by a man whom I still loved and should have been fighting for me, doing anything in his power to make my life easier and not keep hurting me. Just have to keep remembering they will say anything to protect themselves, and make themselves feel better about the miserable abusers they are. And we just have to take everything they say with a pinch of salt and stay strong. Easier said than done 🙁 Hope you’re okay KIP x

  • #87886
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Yes, I’m okay thanks. They know us so well and they know what hurts most. I remind myself that I don’t ever want to be around someone that cruel lacking in any moral compass. He doesn’t deserve to be in my life. I choose supportive people to be in my life now. I’m very choosy. No more takers x

  • #87887
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I bet they wouldn’t even remember saying those things, they say so much that is delusional. It just trips over their tongues.

  • #87888
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    Yep, my ex chooses to conveniently forget cruel and heartless things he says, or tries to explain his way out of them. They do know how to push our buttons and how to hurt us – it’s a shame we fell in love with people that actually want to do that to someone who loves them. As always, we are the ones who end up hurt and they just get off scott free. x

  • #87889
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hopefully not totally scott free ✊️

  • #87890
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    Not if we can help it =D

  • #87893
     Fudgecake 
    Participant

    I’m amazed at his knack of using a compliment to demean me. Very clever as the words sounded nice but really it was a back handed put down and if I reacted he would use the “you’re over sensitive “ tactic.
    I found these snide comments harder to deal with than the blatant toxic ones.

  • #87894
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    Gaslighting is a seriously insidious thing Fudgecake!

  • #87922
     Had.enough 
    Participant

    Him: “Hey babes, i need you to sit down. I have something to tell you.
    I can’t tell you its ok forget it.
    Oh right… ok … well my colleagues at work.
    no you will get upset…
    dont get upset..Ok.. ?
    they have been saying stuff about your appearance and how i could do better.
    you look upset. See this is way i can’t tell you things.
    So sensitive.”

    * an example of what he said when i was heavily pregnant with our child *

  • #87923
     Had.enough 
    Participant

    They can say hurtful things just to get a reaction from you.

    • #87937
       Notgoingunder 
      Participant

      How could you NOT get upset by that Had.enough! And why on earth would a remotely decent person say such a thing? I had a lot of that myself. Everyone thinks you’re a tart and everyone hates your children. I just couldn’t believe an intelligent man (or seemingly so) could think that’s ok to say! They basically like to project their insecurities onto you. None of us ladies on here will ever understand it totally because we couldn’t be further from that kind of person.

    • #87956
       JustKeepSinging 
      Participant

      Charming!!

      My ex decided to use a birthday card ‘ from the kids’ to tell me about my saggy boobs and stretch marks…
      When I didn’t find it funny, because, you know it’s my birthday and actually I don’t really have either of those things I was told
      “You’ve got no sense of humour anymore, clearly it’s a joke” then ripped the card out my hand and threw it in the bin.
      WTAF

  • #87925
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    his colleagues wouldnt have said that i bet. i have painful joints and i was having a flare up at the time. i was struggling to get out off the car one morning and low and behold a ‘hotty’ as he would call young women (too young for him maybe 16 and above)he would say look at her waw and look what im stuck with a cripple – great. and walk ahead head down embaressed to be seen with me! lol i can laugh now but a descent man surely would have helped his partner? in the REAL world xx love diymum

  • #87926
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    Goodness me Had.enough! That is one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard! Bet you are relieved you are shot of that idiot!

  • #87927
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    what b******s they are looking back well shot!! 🙂 xx

  • #87928
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    you know the ironic thing was he caused my ilness that kind off gets to me xx grr the audacity off these men i wouldnt even call them that boys! xx

  • #87931
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Psychology would say it all stems from their own insecurities. I think they’re just cruel nasty people who get enjoyment from hurting us in particular x

  • #87932
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    i agree there wrong doing lies heavy on there shoulders – not one word off truth in any off the above and thats all we need to know – onwards and upwards xxxx

  • #87933
     Landy 
    Participant

    I could write a book on this….

    My ex often told me I was so disgusting, he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore. Nothing to do with his alcoholism then….

    Then he told people he’d dumped me and moved out, when he’d actually been arrested and taken into custody.

    And he’s constantly told people that I’m abusive. That grinds my gears so much after all he put me through.

    They just work out what your weak spots are and go for them. Nothing was too low for him.

  • #87935
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Yes, I used to say he would go straight for the jugular. As DIYMUM has said. None of it is true, and that’s all we need to know. I think it messes with our heads because these are the life partners we have chosen. Why in hell would they deliberately set out to destroy us? But they simply do. How strong we must be. These men picked the wrong victims when they picked us x

    • #88107
       Iwantmeback 
      Participant

      AbsoFu..inLootly.. @kip, they chose the wrong ones to mess around. I never realised just how strong an individual i am and it’s all thanks to him. Because without him I wouldnt be this amazing tough woman who no longer takes s..t💪💞

  • #87947
     Apple118 
    Participant

    Mine has said too many to keep track…
    “You’re disgusting”
    “You’re a s**g”
    “Your kids will grow to hate you”
    “I’m glad your best friend is dead-hahaha“(he loves throwing that one in)
    “You’re lazy”
    “You’re a terrible mother”
    “You’re vile .. you’ve lost your looks”

    There’s more .. some of it too bad to write on here really .

  • #87950
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I’m sorry you had to go through this Apple, it just shows how immature and dysfunctional these men really are. I once told my ex I thought he’d let himself go. He was the heaviest he had ever been. Was breathless when out walking. Would wear the same suit for days. Oh boy did he not like that. He was raging at me. What an insensitive thing to say and I could have put it better. When I asked how exactly I could have said it, he didn’t have an answer. Yet the vile stuff he would say was supposed to be ok. Looking back that small comment exposed his total insecurities. I’m having a sneaky smile now but it was never said with the intention of hurting his feelings.

  • #87957
     JustKeepSinging 
    Participant

    Landy…
    My ex is amazing at inventing whatever little stories he thinks will get him the most sympathy…unfortunately I fell for it and got trapped – lord only knows what he’s telling people now.
    I honestly think he lies so much he believes it!

  • #87959
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Yes, they convince themselves of their lies and their innocence. I think mine would pass a lie detector 😂 he thought the more he repeated something the truer it would,become,

  • #87963
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    you know i got a confession off this im a convincing actor!! xx thats what he said

    unbeleivable!

  • #88003
     imsosad 
    Participant

    my favourite line. if you didnt nag i wouldn’t drink!!!

  • #88095
     Donkey 
    Participant

    When they say that you abused them. Every they did to you, you actually did to them? That I find drives me crazy more than anything else. He plays the victim. While I try to just put a brave face on for our (detail removed by moderator) month old daughter every day.

  • #88121
     Moonbeam 
    Participant

    I still think about some of the things he said. They made me realise how manipulative he actually was. I still here him in my nightmares and if I do something wrong everyday I hear him calling me useless. I broke down in tears in front of my Mam and sister the other day because I didn’t fit into a dress that I liked and I’d heard his voice calling me “fat.”

    I’ve been told it takes time, but I didn’t think that it would take this long.

  • #88122
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi Donkey. What is more shocking is they all do it! It’s such a common tactic and you can often catch them out. If they accuse you of something, you can bet they’re doing it.
    Moonbeam, yes it does take time to get his voice out your head. It drove me crazy for a long time. I found a tip on here. When his voice jumps in, just say to yourself ‘I accept what you’re saying but I choose to ignore you’ x

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