10th January 2022 at 1:54 am #136774
I feel like there are a lot of inner demons inside me that clearly need addressing. Yet the thought of seeking help, and speaking about those issues & listening to those out loud scares me more than ever, yet there is clear unresolved issues buried deep inside that will not go away anytime soon. But the fear of sounding like a really bad person, even to myself, I’m terrified to reach out. And although this forum has told me, rape was what I experienced at a young age, and in reality that’s exactly what I would say to someone else if roles were reversed, I still can’t come to think that it happened to me. I can go weeks, months without thinking about it. But it’s the moments I’m alone that keep me awake fighting with my feelings, emotions. Not to mention the moment you seek help, it’s usually buried on your record somewhere which is what terrifies me also.
10th January 2022 at 6:58 am #136778DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel,
Well done for posting… I think without you realising it you are already on the road to seeking help and healing through posting on this forum. It may seem like a small step but it is the start of you unraveling your feelings
The only thing that will keep you stuck in life and stop you moving forward is fear … I guarantee that at the bottom of any situation that keeps us from doing something it will be fear…
Fear of being alone
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of not being loved
Fear of being unlovable
Fear of saying the wrong thing
Fear of not looking the right way
Fear of failing
etc, etc, etc
And I get it … fear is terrifying
However try and look at it this way, how you are feeling now is terrifying , living with the pain of what you are feeling … so why don’t you try a different kind of terrifying… but a terrifying that may actually in the long run set you free from all this
To get to the end of anything we have to go through it. It won’t be easy my darling and it will hurt and feel uncomfortable, but we have to feel to heel and isn’t that better than just staying stuck … who knows where it will free you to be
Start slowly and be very kind and gentle to yourself. You could just start by writing your feelings down before you speak them out loud to anyone
Know you are supported by the forum and trust that you can do this
I believe you can
Sending you continued love and support
10th January 2022 at 6:38 pm #136810
I guess, deep down everything you’ve said is right. I used to look at other people & could never understand why it would take so long to speak up. Boy, how the tables have turned, now I couldn’t be more sympathetic. Now I can more than understand the fear of coming forward & speaking their truth & seeking the help they need. One word FEAR. Its been more than (detail removed by moderator) since I went through what I did. And it haunts me now more then ever. But hopefully, with the help and support that this forum provides and from people like you as well as others, everytime I post I feel the support and encouragement to take a little more step forwards to heal the wounds deep within. Thank you so much for your kind & encouraging words and sound advice. They say time is a healer & hopefully I can prove that right ❤
12th January 2022 at 6:38 pm #136936DarcyParticipant
That’s all it is my darling … small steps forward, you are on the right path
It is a journey and a process and can take time so don’t be too hard on yourself or put any pressure of a time limit on yourself. Just keep working on yourself and getting stronger each day
Keep connected to the forum and feel the support
10th January 2022 at 9:29 am #136780nbumblebeeParticipant
Before i found this forum i had never told anyone about my past. I found it so hard to cope with myself i wanted to hide and pretend it hadnt happened and actually i didnt really understand that what happened to me years ago was rape.
I was raped by a family member in my 20s but i dont remember alot of it i remember the pain though. I believe i was drugged. Anyway b4 i found this forum i hadnt admitted it as i was scared scared nobody would believe me worried id be blamed looked at differently. I now see a counsellor and she is helping me through my past and my now with a not so nice husband. She didnt laugh or blame me nor was she shocked. Sometimes i cant talk often i cant so she encourages me to write my thoughts down we then discuss them.
You will find that you are so much braver than you believe you are and you will find the strength one day you just have to believe in yourself. You need to talk about the bad things in order for you to heal. I wont lie its not easy at all its so hard it takes a long long time and alot of pain but eventually you will be able to work your way through this. Take care xxxx
10th January 2022 at 6:52 pm #136812
I feel like I can relate to this so much. I have still never told anybody what happened to me. Except one random person on a chat forum years ago, who was the first person to plant the idea of what happened to me was rape. And of course this forum. Like you, I was afraid nobody would believe me, especially as the people who raped me made sure it was common knowledge to all of my friends we had a “good time” before I could speak or talk to any of them. I was ashamed, embarrassed, confused, betrayed, felt dirty and felt like it was my fault. I shouldn’t have encouraged them or now looking back why did I put myself in that position. I convinced myself for years that it was what it was, “a good time” but maybe not so much on my side. But knowing and reading your not alone, I guess can give you some encouragement & knowing that your now seeking help can only give further encouragement & support to myself and others out there reading any of this.
Thank you for your support & response to my thread & sharing a little bit of your story. Maybe one day soon I’ll also take those step forwards in order to heal & seek out a counsellor too. Thank you ❤
10th January 2022 at 7:34 pm #136814nbumblebeeParticipant
Ive sent you a pm. You are certainly not alone. X
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