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    • #91234
      Alittlelost
      Participant

      I really need to leave my relationship for my own sanity but i dont want to if that makes any sense. The thought of leaving him, him being alone ( niether us live near our families) the thought of him being alone, sad and depressed. I dont want to hurt him and make him sad… but he makes me hurt so bad. I dont know what to do. Our housing contract ends in few months. Its ideal for a final get out plan (detail removed by moderator). But i dont want him to feel any hurt. It hurts too much.

    • #91264
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      You won’t always feel that way about him, put your needs first, that’s healthy, take care of yourself my dear, he is an adult and will very much be able to take care of himself.
      Loving him despite the abuse isn’t love, it is called trauma bonding. You still care about how he feels even though he has put you through hell. This isn’t love. The need to be there caring and feeling responsible for his wellbeing will decrease over time, most of us have loved our abusers beyond the moon and back but left and were able to own our feelings again and turn them for our self-care.
      You deserve much better, you deserve to place yourself first and be loved and cared with respect by people around you. You can do this. Sending you strength & hugs 💕

    • #91267
      fizzylem
      Participant

      You cant avoid the hurt in a break up ALL, no one can, trying to avoid this pain only keeps it going and prolongs it – which leads to more hurt and abuse. Listen to your logic and ignore the heart for a while – sounds like a good time to plan the end instead of renewing. You maybe just need some time to get used to the idea of it being over x

    • #91473
      Alittlelost
      Participant

      Thank you both of you. Im going to see womans aid in my city this morning for first time. Im really scared. I cant stop crying. Thanks for your support and advice.

    • #91487
      hop
      Participant

      You’re so brave and you’ll really have achieved something by going and doing this. His feelings shouldn’t matter, I know you feel like they do. Somebody who can drag you down so much is not worthy of your time let alone your love. You deserve to feel lthat love from yourself and hopefully going to WA will be the first step in that process for you!

    • #91496
      fizzylem
      Participant

      This is good to read ALL, pull in your support, you will be ok, do what you need to do, cry and cry if you need to, sounds like it’s time to let it all out, that you’re ‘awakening’, you’ve likely been trying to hold it together and deal with this alone for a long time. It’s a painful, sad and anxious time for sure, but also needed so you get the help and change you need, we’ve all of us been here, you will get through it at some point. Keep posting flower xx

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