The ‘why’ question

[backtome]

So my getting him out day is getting closer. I know I can tell my little girl things like not all mummies and daddies live together etc but about when she asks why I made him leave? Why do I say without being derogatory towards him but so she doesn’t hate me/blame me.

Ps I don’t know where I’d be without this forum, so thank you everyone who has given me advice x

[Confused123]

hey hun

not sure of your full story but i normally guide most that mummy and daddy no longer got on and daddy did something to hurt mummy so we can no longer live together, but we still both love u , she may ask what did he do, u can tell her when she is older u will; tell her

[Confused123]

sorry i just rembered he was been emotionally abusive to u, so u could still; use same line or say daddy was being rude and when adult people cant be polite to each another they cant live together, hope that helps that way she wont think if shes been rude u may leave her so please emphasis this applies to adults

[backtome]

Thanks Confused123. it’s so hard to explain in a way she can understand but without making her worry. I want her to know that mummy and daddy both still love her and neither of us is going to leave her but we can’t be together the 3 of us any more. x

[Confused123]

hun it doesnt matter how old the child is it will hurt them, just give as much consistency after split and keep healthy

[KIP.]

Not sure of her age but do any of her friends have parents who are divorced or separated. You can use this as an example. I wouldnt volunteer information to her. Kids are very resilient and just get on with the situation. Wait until she notices and asks unless its going to be very obvious but i think you said he has left before. She may see this coming and going as normal. More likely your ex will try to upset her, just to get at you. My ex jumped in first and told our son a load of lies. He was a yoing adult but it was shocking. Just be consistent. You will have to be her rock. Try not to worry too much about her. Id be more concerned about your ex. Stay alert and dont be alone with him. Youre setting a good example for her that she doesnt have to tolerate abusive men x

[Dragonfly]

We both told our son dad was moving out. We both still loved our son but we couldn’t live together anymore. Left it at that. Then my son came to me one day and said ‘I think I know why you and dad split up, you were arguing a lot, it’s so much more happier now’. This made me happy and sad. Happy that he felt more relaxed but sad that he had to hear a lot of what he did to me.

Children aren’t daft. They hear and see things.

[backtome]

Yeah I’m going to tell her something along those lines Dragonfly. I’m hoping he will do the same, but who knows what he will say to her. I know in the past he has told her I’ve made him homeless etc and put things on her shoulders she doesn’t need to bare the weight of.

KIP she does have friends who’s parents are separated, but she is very young and going through some changes atm herself (not long since started school). x

[Dragonfly]

There will always be ups and downs and we know what our abusers are capable of. The thing to remember is we can’t be with them. There will be more questions along the line but ultimately you will be happier and hopefully your child will too. Kids can surprise us at times 😉

[Confused123]

make the school aware so they can keep eye on your daughter, these days at school they talk about divorce and why parents split . Just give your daughter loads of reassuarance u not going anywhere, i wouldnt put it past your ex to say something spiteful just to spite u , i had that scenario

[backtome]

Thanks everyone. Yeah as soon as the plan has been implemented I’m going to speak to school (I can’t yet as he is always there at school). x

[Author]

Posts