The worst anniversary

[Ayanna]

It’s building up towards my worst ever anniversary, the day when I almost died and was given another life.
Even after a few years this does not get any better.
This year seems to be worse than last year.
If only I could live in a man free world. I would feel so much better.

[purplecat]

I too am facing the first anniversary of the worst day of my life. I never believed I would survive it, and yet here we both are. I was being gaslighted and my ex husband was committing serious fraud. Coming up to the anniversary I have found myself going over old messages and emails trying to work out if I had missed the signs. I came across an email I sent to Women’s Aid which sent a shiver down my spine –
Hi
‘I’m so desperate I have no idea what to do. My Husband keeps lying. I’m hard of hearing and I know he plays on it. When o challenge him on it he denies it. I can’t even describe how much my heart is breaking because the one person I trusted is using my disability against me. I’ve started to drink more and again this is something he is using to lash out against me with. His lies are distort reality and make me question everything that I hear and know. Even writing to you is because I can’t hear over the phone. I feel like I’m going mad. I’m constantly trying to put us back together, we have children. I’m feeling suicidal with no support and so very lonely’

On the anniversary I can now see how far I have come. I have control over my life where I didn’t before, I manage my money, I don’t drink and I am no longer living is a false reality. I found it helped to write down and list every thing I have achieved in the last year, however small.
You have survived that dreadful day and you are still here. I really hope that I have helped. It is a long road but you are at the beginning and it is your life now, no one elses

[KIP.]

Celebrate that anniversary as the day he didn’t win. The day he did his best and lost. We are still here. Every day since is testament to our strength.

[fizzylem]

It might not feel like the anniversary of the day you lived atm but I hope in time that it does come to represent this for the both of you. When that year does come, and it will, reclaim it. Take it back. But for now clear the day so you can you do what you please with it, but set up options, so you can drop round to a friends and be with people if needed. Treat yourselves. Be kind to yourselves. Give yourselves what you need x

[Ayanna]

I realised that I do not have one single friend to whom I can go and who would understand.
I am on my own.
I left the house early on that day to distract myself.
Some men looked at me while I sat in a coffee shop. They literally stared at me. (Detail removed by Moderator)
(Detail removed by Moderator)
Going out is therefore not a good idea either.
Therefore I went back home and did DIY.

[Author]

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