They aren’t what we dreamed of

[Serenity]

When we were little girls, we read fairy tales, dreamt of knights in shining armour, had childhood sweethearts who held our hand at playtime and planted innocent kisses on our cheeks.

At school, we were taught to achieve our best, to think of what our talents and strengths might be.

We were treated as individuals by most.

Then we met our abuser(s) who pretended that they appreciated our individuality. Really, their plan was to break it down and mould us into copies of them, or to be subservient.

Instead of appreciating our individuality, these men hated it. They worked hard to destroy it. Instead of seeing our vulnerabilities and their heart being softened and they wanting to encourage our growth, they snidely manipulated our weaknesses to their own ends.

Over time, that little girl with big dreams was lost and smothered by an overgrown bully’s needs.

We were all born to be individuals. We each have a name, our own strengths, our own character, our own contribution to make to this world. We aren’t meant to just be a shadowy reflection of a bully.

I pray that we can all rise up to be who we truly are, and lead these bullies far, far behind.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Serenity, thank you for this post. The way that I think is that we have made a mistake in our choice of partner. To make a mistake is an assertive right if I remember assertive training correctly. Mistakes, problems and difficulties can also be viewed as gifts in disguise. As my current favourite author M Scott Peck says:

It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/m_scott_peck.html

my experience of abuse has had such a deep and devastating effect on me, I could even say that I NEEDED IT TO HAPPEN, to shake me up, develop a backbone and deal with some things that needed to be dealt with. I am fairly confident that I will end things immediately I see a red flag and will have much healthier relationships as a result of all of this. Things that i love: My home despite it being a chaotic shambles, Friday nights slobbing out, healthy food, growing my vegetables, my independence. We can’t let these men destroy us they have only been in our lives temporarily.

[Healthyarchive]

I have learnt some valuable lessons from my abuse which I am thankful for. X*X

[Author]

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