Things are looking up

[Cecile]

I found a list of things I had to do to become safe and well – I wrote it months ago. I had felt overwhelmed and numb when I wrote it, and cried afterwards as it seemed so ridiculous to expect help, beyond my reach, I did not deserve help.
It included getting medical, legal and mental health help. Improving my financial situation. Getting him out. Improving my physical health, getting some nurturing to my body through sport (by which I mean very basic exercise). I needed a social life and social support as well.

I was astonished when I found this list today and realised I could tick most of them off the list. I have a great doctor, who has helped me hugely.It may seem ordinary to her but her expression of concern and referrals for more help were just what I urgently needed.(One visit and ten minutes turned my life around).
I have a great solicitor, who probably thinks the work with me is very basic and run of the mill but to me it is incredible to see that I have rights.
I have had amazing(to me) financial advice from a charity.My mental and physical health states are getting better. I have a network of support! Each of these people have told me several times to go back for more help or advice when ever I need it, that to me is like gold and diamonds and everything.
The oh is still in the home but the end is nigh, legally. None of the things I did would seem amazing to an outsider but I feel like there are people who care, who can help me- who have helped me, and it seems incredible. No put downs or criticisms or being sneered at. I am still afraid to socialise and lack confidence but who knows what will come next!
It also makes me wonder just what he did to me to make me so unable to access help before now. I used to live with a terrible sense of terror at everything and that has reduced considerably, perhaps I am not so repugnant to others after all….

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Cecile, yes those lists we made before leaving, it’s wonderful how much we achieve just by reaching out, and that’s the how we have to show others at the beginning stages of thinking of stopping the abuse or leaving their oh’s. You’re so right in saying they to outsiders these things are trivial, but to us they were liking climbing the Alps or walking across a desert. But with every journey it starts with that first tentative baby step, and each step helps to build our confidence and belief in ourselves.
IWMB 💞💞

[KIP.]

I was once too scared to leave the house. He made the world a big scary place yet that scary place was with him. I’m just finishing a (detail removed by moderator) class and I’ve been invited to the class night out! You will get there too. I promise 👍. Such adventures we can have when we are free x x x I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life x

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