Think about it all the time help 1st post!!

[Madfan336]

Hello

this is my first post! I left my abusive husband (number removed by Moderator) months ago. I was completely in love with him for the whole relationship and it was only when I found out he had been the same to an ex and the fact I got sick of the mind games, circular arguments and mood changes that I left.

mu experience is typical, we met, it was all whirlwind and I married him after (number removed by Moderator) months, before we married there were signs, extreme jealousy, shaming and verbal abuse, but he seemed so sorry after and said it was coz he was abused himself.
once we got married it was worse and worse, switching from loving and adoration to hate and anger. A few physical events, along with out of hand play fights.
his son lived with us and saw it all.

When I left I found out he abused everyone he ever was with and their kids were emotionally abused by him.

I feel stupid, foolish, pathetic,

I was with an abusive liar for (number removed by Moderator) months and it makes me sick.

we have no contact- he emails me occasionally to get a reaction – response

divorce through (timeframe removed by Moderator).
I have had lots of therapy but think about it all constantly!

 

 

[Lisa]

Hi Madfan336,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing about what you’ve been through and how you’re feeling. It’s not your fault that this happened. You’re not foolish, stupid, nor pathetic. As you say, his behaviour is typical of an abuser and part of that is being really good at trapping women in a relationship. Do try to be kind to yourself, you aren’t at fault here. Even with therapy, it’s normal for it to take time to process and start to recover following abuse. You might find the resources on the Bloom website helpful in continuing your healing.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Hamster16]

I was with my husband for decades. Over half my whole life. It’s normal to blame ourselves, to wonder what’s wrong with us, and think about it all the time. But that is them talking. Being a loving, caring person, trying to make a marriage work isn’t a weakness. We are brought up on stories, songs, movies, fairytales, that tell us love is the answer but it’s not. Love is not all you need. There is something much more important and that’s respect. You have done a wonderful and incredible thing by giving yourself the respect you deserve. If a friend came to you and told you what you have told us, would you blame her? Tell her it’s her fault? No. And yet we tell ourselves these things. I’m not saying it’s easy because it’s not. But it is worth it. You are worth it. Keep strong and please be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

[Tian]

Occasionally when I catch myself thinking “Why did I fall for that?” I remind myself that a) I have watched him turn on the charm for literally dozens of women and fooling almost all of them (and carefully avoiding the ones he couldn’t). He is very good at it. And b) he didn’t start to ramp up the controlling, contemptuous behaviour until I had agreed to marry him, give up my career and have his children . I got suckered by someone who works very hard at making women dependent on him.

Let us be kind and loving to ourselves 💟

[Author]

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