Think about this?

[fizzylem]

Been thinking about the turning point for me, and can see a big part of this came when I removed the blury filter from my vision and thus started to see the truth and reality.

Think about or write down (only if it is safe to write) your answers to these questions…

How do I make his life better?

How does he make my life better?

Would love to read what you found if you do. FL. x

[KIP.]

How do I make his life better? I return to him and continue to allow him to destroy me.

How does he make my life better? He stays out of my life or preferably he stops breathing.

[fizzylem]

Couldnt help but lol at ‘or preferably he stops breathing’ KIP – same!! x

[fizzylem]

Beautifully succinct and on the nose again KIP x

[KIP.]

😉

[diymum@1]

To give him everything I have worker for and achieved, to have control of my whole family, sounds weird when you write that!

He makes my life better by not being in it at all !

He has tough me that I have respect myself first and foremost – I have also found a deeper side of me, I believe now through everything that with courage and determination and with 100% belief we can do anything ☺xx

God listen to me lol 😊💕💕

[Shaz]

Hi

This is going to help me as Im currently stuggling with the idea of leaving.

How do i make his life better? Someone to take his anger out on, to put in their place. To tell what to do and how to behave.

How does he make my life better? He doesnt, he makes it incredibly stressful, chaotic and angry.

Xx

[diymum@1]

Your life does get better shaz, hard in some ways but way much better in the long run xx love diymum xx 💕 💕

[Shaz]

Thank you. Im feeling pretty low and depressed at the moment, questioning if im doing the right thing. Its all so drastic. Im really scared.
X

[diymum@1]

You will be and your going to need lots of professional support -my advice would be get all of that in place if you haven’t already xx you can do this its natural to be scared that’s you keeping yourself safe. Always put yourself first, sounds like it’s time to ☺❤ much luv diy mum 💕 DIY

[EbonyRaven]

How did I make his life better? I provided a roof over his head, food, clothing, internet, tv, holidays, someone to blame for all life’s ills, someone to use to make himself feel smarter and more powerful.

How did he make my life better? He had a handy discount on car parts.

[fizzylem]

Ok, so, so far between us all we can only come up with one benefit and it’s cheap car parts – that’s hilarious! I rest my case, he really doesn’t make life any better does he x

[fizzylem]

Hey Shaz, when you’re out you can de-stress; took me a good few months but, I basked in the relief as well. I also loved the ‘quiet’ sound in the house everytime I noticed this change, it felt calm and bliss x

[Shaz]

Hi Fizzylem

Thank you. When i left last time i experienced the feeling of having a weight off my shoulders.
Its so unfair, why do we always have to leave? I mean, i know why, for our safety etc but, really, im leaving my house and most of my stuff to live in much smaller rented accommodation, then i have the fear of him finding me and the disgrace i will put on his family. Everyone on here has been so helpful and motivating, i just forsee challenge after challenge from this point on. Cant believe it will take that much to be free x

[fizzylem]

Yes I know Shaz, its huge and I’m not gonna lie, it takes a long time, there’s so much to wade through and sort to get out and in a new place, emotionally and practically, BUT, it will be just that, ‘your place’, so its worth the sweat. A home should be a haven, a place of safety, somewhere we go to shut the door, kick off our shoes, relax and recharge – feel free to be.

Just one other thing lady! It is not you disgracing him! Please stop thinking that – he has disgraced himself, his behaviour is intolerable and disgraceful. You are feeling shame for being in this situation – a situation created by him – if you had your way things, the relationship would have been very different hey xx

[fizzylem]

Just keep chipping away lovely, make everything you do one step nearer to this goal. My brother’s often said to me, eat the elephant in chunks. Everything you do from here on in will help you live a better life x

[Lisa]

Hello Shaz,

I just wanted to show you some support. You are doing brilliantly. Please do remember if you want some safety planning and advice then phone the helpline. They can help you to see a safe way forward.

Go safely and let us know how you are getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Shaz]

Hi Fizzylem

Thank you so much for the motivating words, I really find the support on here a lifeline and you are all keeping me going. I think you are rightabout the chipping away.. my counsellor said something similar around an end goal and this helping me to get where I want to be. She asked on my last session ‘what would make you stay? And I couldnt think of anything. Guess that sums it up.

Lisa
Thank you, i need to find the time to call the helpline; I have become paranoid there are recorders everwhere so i need to be somewhere else when I do it.

Thanking you all again x

[Shaz]

Diy mum

Thank you, I appreciate your words. I have forgotten how to put myself first, i dont really know who i am or used to be anymore, which troubles me somewhat xx

[Author]

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