Think son is being controlled

[Daffodil2021]

Hi all hope you are all safe and well,

I need advice please,I feel sure my ex is controlling our son and saying things to him. My son has been really uncontrollable at times he has randomly kicked me out of the blue, he runs up into me and sometimes so hard and then a cusses me of hurting him, he said at the dinner table again out of the blue ‘mummy hitting me and then pretended to call the police. We came home from nursery the other day and he throw himself on the floor and said I was hurting him. He will sit on my knee and then shout’ get me down!amongst other things that have happen to a simular theme ‘ I m staring to feel like I did when I was living with his father, who is a complete manipulator amongst other things, ive spoken to the nursery and they have said he has been fine there, which again makes you feel like you are talking non sense and as he is always talking about how he wants to go see dad, which then makes you think twice about actioning anything as you just feel it’s all going to be turned onto me as I feel sure he’s doing all this not just to control us both and make me feel worthless but he’s upto something else I feel sure. I’ve spoken to solicitor about what has been happening and she has told me just to watch very carefully. We are currently in self isolation which I hope to God we will both be OK but God forbid if something did I would be to blame as he will say I should nt be sending him to nursery but on the mental side I think my son has needed it with him behaving in this way and I’ve need the support with no other form of child care amd so they can monitor his behavioir and this is where they guilt trip you and make you question everything you do, makes me wonder if he’s even said to my son how he feels and that’s why he has said I can’t love him. It’s difficult now being in isolation as I can’t really ring anyone in the day as I don’t want my son relaying anything but when we come out of isolation I would like to know your thoughts should I ring the doctor first to explain my sons behaviour the health visitor. My sons such a lovely boy and through the first lockdown when it was just me and him he was amazing and now I just don’t know what to do as I don’t want it to get any worse as he will be uncontrollable especially if he’s accusing me of hurting him. Has anyone had a simular experience and what do you advice? Also wanted to know if there would be any way of finding out any other emotional abuse background, his dad is (detail removed by Moderator) and I feel sure he has done this to many women before as he is too switched on in and just seems too suspicious with him changing his name and having no real friends, he’s been in this country over (detail removed by Moderator)years which if anything had happened over there the police record would nt go back any further or is there a way that you can? So I can have this if we go to court.

Thankyou for reading and I really hope someone can shed some light through there experience.

[Lisa]

Hi Daffodil2021,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be with others who understand.

I am sorry to hear about what you are experiencing from your ex-partner and your son’s behaviour, it must be very worrying for you. Domestic abuse can have a big impact on children even if they do not witness the abuse and often abusive men use the issue of child contact as a means of continuing abusive behaviour long after the relationship has ended.

Do you have any support in place apart from your solicitor? Your local domestic abuse support group should able to offer you ongoing emotional and practical support. They often offer children’s services as well which might be helpful for your son. You can find your local support group here.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

Do keep posting to let us know how you are when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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