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    • #27190
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      This morning he sent me a message saying he can’t put into words his feelings for me, the word love apparently doesn’t come close. Then by the afternoon as I’d asked for a little space and time he’s booked a holiday, with another woman he won’t name l(detail removed by Moderator). Tells me he needs off the emotional rollercoaster I put him through. Devastated and utterly heartbroken doesn’t come close. X

    • #27192
      Tuppance
      Participant

      Oh ENF – do you think he could just magic up another woman like that? It’s either a load of lies or someone he has obviously had a chance to get close to very recently. I should guess it’s the former – he is just trying to hurt you because you are hurting his pride. Surely we should only be with a man that worships us? That we are completely matched to, emotionally, socially and intellectually? I hate to waste my emotions and tears on someone who so does not deserve me. Sending you a big hug x*x

    • #27194
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      Thank you ha. He’s always kept a couple of women in the background as “friends”. I know he doesn’t do alone and I’m pretty sure I know who it is. I just can’t believe he would do this to me. How can he say all that stuff? This morning he came to the house, hugged me, told me he loved me and now this? He knows what this will do to me. He’s worked me so he can destroy me again and I let him. X

    • #27195
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      I’ve messaged him telling him never ever to contact me again and I’ve blocked his number. I feel crushing pain in my chest. Can’t believe he’s doing this to me. X

    • #27196
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      Sorry, I meant thank you tuppance. X

    • #27197
      strawberryshortcake
      Participant

      He’s abusing you. Don’t give him the power. I don’t know your situation but you are describing what I have been through previously. I used to think ‘how can he? How can he be so hurtful, how can he not perceive the pain he causes me’ well, he can….he knows full well what he’s doing to you and chooses to do it. You don’t deserve that.

    • #27210

      Dear ENF, I am sorry to hear this, i can feel your pain. I have noticed with men who are being deceitful their actions and words can be so mixed. One week before I split for good from my partner he was telling me that I was his soulmate and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. The following week he said to me he wants to finish & he sees no future for us. A friend of mine, she found out that her husband had been having an affair for some time. My friend and her husband continued with a sex life and he continued to tell her he loved her & pretend that everything was normal. At the same time he was having an affair with someone else. I am so sorry for how much you are hurting ENF. I believe that my ex was cheating when we were together or started days after we split, i do not care. Perhaps it would help, ? to say that cheating is akin to lying, withholding, gas lighting, mind games, it all comes as part of the one big ugly package. You may find that this revelation will be the catalyst that you have been looking for which will finally break the ties. He is giving you massive mixed messages and gas lighting and the contact that you are still having is causing all of this devastation.

    • #27214
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      I’m too hurt and upset to be anything else. He’s done this to hurt me. I know him and how he works. He will say they are just friends and she’s supporting him but I know he knows this will hurt but in his head he’s done nothing wrong. He’s never done anything nice for me on my birthday, not once, couple years ago he forgot it entirely after promising to take me away for a treat. He never has. I’ll get a meal afterwards, as a sorry but never makes an effort. One year he took a day off and sat the whole day in a sulk and then made me feel like rubbish because I wasn’t grateful enough. As if that wasn’t enough my sister sending me a whole load of clearly drunk abusive texts about what I nytcase I am for ever breathing the same air as him. I’ve honestly had my absolute limit over what I can take. I’m honestly not a bad person, I care about people, always think of others feelings, always there if anyone needs anything and all I get is an emotional battering in return. I honestly have reached the end of what I can handle and deal with. X

    • #27216
      KIP.
      Participant

      Mine did the same when I started to push him away. He changed his profile pic to him and this other woman I knew nothing about. If you read ‘living with the dominator’ its all part of the abusers tactics. But he did me a huge favour. That was my ‘get out of jail free card’ and this is yours. Abusers are so wreckless and unhinged that they think going straight for the jugular is going to get your attention. Well it has and not in the way he was hoping for. He thought, as mine did, that you would come running back to him, begging for another chance. I know the deep deep pain this causes us, but I swore I would never allow him that opportunity again. If you give him your heart ever again he will just stomp all over it. Don’t make the mistake of thinking these men play by any moral compass. They don’t have one. The nicest thing my ex ever did was to cheat on me and rub my nose in it. That’s the wake up call I needed. You will get over this. Don’t think this is the end of his harrassment. Call the police next time he starts. You’ve told him not to contact you so keep that text to show the police and don’t engage in and texts or emails from him. Tell him to use your solicitor. I promise eventually you too will see this as the nicest thing he did to you. He’s set you on the road to freedom ❤️

    • #27217

      I had the same on my birthdays, Christmas & Valentines day, it was hit and miss whether I got anything, it was so hurtful. I have had several partners in my time and never I have been treated so shabbily by anyone. I always went out of my way to buy him thoughtful gifts and spent ages looking for the right card, I normally got absolutely nothing or something cheap that he had picked up on the way over. It was deeply hurtful. I’m out of it now (as you will be) and never have this fear as dread as my birthday approaches, it is nice to be able to feel that way. X*X

    • #27218
      KIP.
      Participant

      Maybe your mother and sister need to ring the helpline number and ask how they can best support you at this time? Give them the helpline number and get them to do something positive X

    • #27220
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      Thank you kip but to be honest they wouldn’t be interested. They never help, only dictate. I know I need to cut them out too. I just can’t stop crying. Its like everything is just hitting me completely. For so long I’ve managed to keep all these people from tipping me over, keep all the emotional balls in the air and this morning they’ve all come tumbling down. I’ve always been the peacekeeper and appeaser in my family, then I did it with him. All I ever wanted was a bit of love in return. Not completely destroyed because I thought I’d found someone I could be happy with. I don’t know why all my life the people closest to me think this is ok to do to me. I just cannot take anymore. X

    • #27229
      Tuppance
      Participant

      I just want to send you a big hug. Together, we can support each other and know there is a better life for us. One day at a time we will all get there. 🌻🌻🌻

    • #27269

      Hello there. Please speak to the helpline if you are feeling low. Honestly this is a tactic they use to try and manipulate you to get back with them. They think that by making you believe that they have someone else you will go running back. Mine did this too a couple of weeks after I left him he sent a message to say friend on a dating site and said he was looking to settle down. It infuriated me at first but I got on the phone to my Solicitor straight away and made my first appointment to get my divorce underway. His disgusting behaviour had the opposite effect. It makes you laugh because seriously when did he decide to commit bigamy lollll. These idiots will try to fabricate anything. It is seriously not your loss it’s HIS. Anyone who has anything good and DECIDES to throw it away need their head testing. Breathe keep calm and keep lots of positive affirmations around you that helped me. Remember to be kind to yourself and tell yourself the same thing that you would tell a friend who is in the same situation as you. You would never hold your friend responsible for such outrageous behaviour by her partner so why are you blaming yourself? We never give out salves the love and attention that we so badly need. Keep posting we are all here for you xxxx

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