This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  AlwaysSorry 1 week, 2 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #85632
     Confuzzled 
    Participant

    I’m new to the forum. Nice to meet you all and hope you are all well and keeping safe.

    Today I plucked up the courage to call 101. I rang but my breathing stopped, my heart raced and the questions began of who I was and where I was from. I hung up.

    I know I need to do something. For a very long time everything was great. I sat in the house, agreed with everything he said. Apart from bathing that’s as far as my personal hygiene went. I agreed to all his demands and wants.

    That’s until he took my card. He let on he had “borrowed stuff until I got a bill. I was shocked. The card purposely day there for emergencies for my baby. I got a bill for late payments on top of what he had taken. I said “Something’s wrong with my card”. It only took him (detail removed by moderator) days after spending it to tell me. We had previously discussed buying this item and I said we couldn’t afford it at the minute but yes when the bills were all sorted but he done it anyway
    I was cross this card was for helping me get my baby prepared for school. He goes out daily but because I wasn’t pleased he took my card he began accusing me of controlling him, I don’t let him have a life, I ruin everything for him.

    I was really angry. My sister in law died and my brother is a mess. I can’t even visit him without coming round 30 minutes later. Who is he to say I destroy his life when I can’t even visit my brother? He’s out daily but I ruin his life?

    An argument kicked off with me sustaining injuries for the first in a long time. Sore jaw, teeth and bruises up my arm. I wasn’t exactly innocent cause grabbing me by the throat threatening to throw me down the stairs my nails were a choice of weapon.

    I asked him to leave but he threatens me. I have severe depression and anxiety. I said harm and he’s always threatening me if he leaves has taking my child as I am a screwball. If I leave I’m not taking her as I am an unfit mother. Even though I am the full time carer who cooks, cleans and is here 24/7 while he does whatever he wants.

    (detail removed by moderator) the physical side kicked off again. He made an appointment for me for to pamper myself however when I got my baby ready, he miraculously came down ill. Same as when I went to the hairdressers last year something come up! I didn’t get going and I said “Why when I do something for me? Like paint my nails? Straighten my hair? Go to a hairdressers? Is there always an issue but you can freely walk in and out and do what you want?” The mood quickly changed. He grabbed the phone of my saying “(detail removed by moderator)”. I then grabbed the phone and said. “Don’t bother” and he hit me in the head. I began to scream “Don’t ever hit me again” but realised my tiny human was in the other room and said “Don’t ever do that in my head again”. The insults come over my appearance and mental health. I got so cross and angry. (detail removed by moderator).

    I went up to bed. I left him downstairs but I could hear my little one. She said “(detail removed by moderator)”. I broke down. I couldn’t cope that my little one had witnessed something I have been trying so hard to protect her from.

    As I lay in bed he come in demanding lunch, then dinner. I got up and pretended to be fine. I bathed my baby, put her to bed and then went for a walk. He grabbed me. He was shouting if I go out for a walk to bot expect my child when I came home cause I shouldn’t go out in a rage
    If I left I would never see here again. He would call the police on me as I’m a screwball. I walked out. 8 times he phoned. 6 of those was the child saying how much she missed me even though I had left her in bed sleeping. Surely going for a walk to cool off doesn’t require so much bull.

    I’m gonna try ring the Police again. I don’t want to report incidents. I just want him to leave. I just want to live. Be able to straighten whats left of my hair or paint my nails without being a cheater. I just want to walk to the toilet without asking what I am doing. I just want to live a normal life.

    I’m just scared if I ring the Police and ask for help. What happens? Last thing I want is Police coming in and removing Daddy infront of my child or or her to witness anything..

  • #85634
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    Hi there C,

    It’s good to see you posting, I’m glad you have found this place x

    I was very saddened reading your story, he is very controlling and abusive to you and is even involving your child in it, getting her to be the one to call you and involving her in his manipulations. I’m so sorry this is happening to both you and your little one – you both deserve so much better and none of it is your fault.

    Regarding your nails as weapons – sweetheart, that’s self defence. Like you, I also took on blame for having scratched my ex’s hands when he was strangling me and covering my airways. But you were not to blame for scratching someone who was violently assaulting you and threatening you with what could have seriously injured you or worse. You carry no blame for that.

    My days he is really putting you down and keeping you on a tight leash. It’s no wonder your mental health is suffering. Your depression and anxiety would probably improve a lot if you got your freedom back and was no longer in his grips.

    I think it would be very good if you could muster the courage to involve the Police. Ask to speak to someone from their domestic abuse team. I’m not going to lie, if you do call them, they will likely want you to make a statement and start an investigation. Maybe they will arrest him and maybe there will be bail so that he can’t return for a set amount of time. This would be them doing their job and protecting you and your little one. This would be a good thing. I can understand why you wouldn’t want your daughter to witness him being arrested or removed from the home, as she has already seen too much and is being forced to participate in his abuse, but you would be doing these things to protect both her and yourself. Is there somewhere you know he goes regularly where the Police could perhaps pick him up there if they decide to arrest him?

    I also think you should try to call the helpline for WA or try out their online chat if calling is not an option. He sounds like he is very much in control of your every move that even going for a walk is used to assault you and emotionally abuse you, so perhaps calling is difficult but please try. The women on there are so kind, so understanding and can advice on your options if you want him to leave and if you worry about involving the Police.

    Please know that many women suffer with mental health problems but are excellent mothers. You sound like an amazing mum taking care of your little one and even when you put her future needs first, he will find a way to sabotage it by stealing from you! You are not a screwball and how dare he call you any such thing when he is likely the very cause of why you are depressed and anxious. Please know the blame lies entirely with him x

    Keep posting and please try and call WA or the Police x

  • #85659
     Lola1xx 
    Participant

    Please please leave x
    I know its so much easier said than done and id be a hypocrit to say just get up and leave. But please try and find the strength, if not for you for your baby. It is so a hard time for you right not plus the added stress of having your baby see it all also. I watched my mother be a victim of domestic violence and now myself a victim. You deserve so much better and so does your baby. Just imagine a life where u can be happy.. no worries.. just you two! Please imagine this and hold on to it so tight until u have the strength to make it a reality. For you and your baby x

  • #85695
     Confuzzled 
    Participant

    Thank you for the replies. I managed to get some time from him and tiny ears to talk. I phoned women’s aid and also the Police again. I panicked once again. I am more worried about the amount my baby has seen and heard. I don’t want her witnessing any more so I’m gonna try to please him and wait till school starts back in case police need to come to the house or something

    Thank you

  • #85696
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    Please keep trying to reach out to WA and the Police when you can x I know you want to protect your daughter, but involving the Police is doing that x They would likely try their best to make sure your little one won’t see anything especially if you express your concerns about this to them, but you need to remember that he is responsible for his actions. And if those actions mean the Police deem it necessary to arrest him (I can’t tell you if they will or not, only they can tell you this) then that’s on him, not on you x

    Please keep posting on here as well and remember none of this is your fault x

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

EXIT SITE

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account