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    • #91242
      Lettitgo
      Participant

      Advice please after recently starting a new relationship my ex has posted on social media (on his status about me though not directly naming me “my so called wife”) a derogatory statement to make people think bad of me and my new partner …..in the comments below he has mentioned my new partners name ( first name only just to make ur clear he know his name but not silly enough he can be accused of slander) he did this for one reason and that is to make my new partner feel uncomfortable and does he really want to get involved with me😔 (I was victim of subtle emotional n********t behaviour) ….. I was very honest and told my new man about this as I dont like secrets …. however I feel this bothers him, I showed him previous messages where my ex has vowed to destroy my life when I’m happy and this is all part of his plan!! Do I fight it?? or conclude if he likes me that much it wont affect us ….so maybe he doesn’t?? I don’t know I have the energy with my ex,s games …..and hes probably always going to do this to control my life, so should I just accept it and give up?

    • #91244
      KIP.
      Participant

      I think you should come off social media altogether. It’s clearly upsetting you and revealing too much to your new partner may well put him off. I know I wouldn’t want to be involved with someone who still had involvement with an ex in this way. It’s good your new partner is aware just in case your ex tries to intimidate him directly. We become used to living with abuse in a way we desensitise ourselves but for people who have never had to deal with this it’s shocking and frightening. Come off all social media and look at the grey rock method, it’s where you ignore everything he throws at you. You don’t respond unless it’s threatening then it’s straight to the police. He’s doing this for attention. Don’t give it to him x

    • #91246
      Lettitgo
      Participant

      I do not respond to him in any way shape or form, I dont have the energy or Interest. There is also nothing on social media about my life or new relationship hes had this fed back to him from someone or hes been digging watching I dont know….which almost makes it worse x

    • #91259
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi Letitgo, do what your name says, let it go. It’s hard I know, but he’s only looking for a reaction from you, positive or negative it doesn’t matter, all that matters to him is that he’s inside your head still having an impact on your life. If he says anything illegal or threatening contact the police. If people want to believe him that is their choice. I don’t have the energy or inclination to put people right,but then, I don’t care what other’s think. So long as you and your new partner know what is the truth that is all that matters. Flying monkeys come in all shapes and forms, some don’t even know they’re being used as such. Stay strong, don’t let him into your head.
      Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

    • #91263
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Yes agree, let it go. He wants to interfere in your life, so keep him out. My friends childhood sweetheart came back to her after the abusive relationship, everyone was so happy for her as he was such a kind, gentle soul and they were clearly well suited, but he ended it eventually because he couldnt cope with her ex, who is a violent psychopath – he scared this ‘normal’ chap. What is ok and to be expected to you is likely to be totally different to your new man so it’s maybe good to be mindful of this as this will help.

      My suggestion would be to focus on your new relationship and keeping your ex well out of this – meaning don’t talk about him; sounds like he’s got enough info now – that perhaps you dont need to mention him again and just deal with it if something arises and you need to. If you react and pull him into the drama he will likely get fed up at some point. What’s important here is that you give you and him a shot at making a go of it – a chance at developing a relationship, I don’t see it as lying or not being truthful by not telling him every detail of your past relationship – I see it more as protecting and nurturing this new relationship.

      Don’t hesitate to call the police if you need to x

    • #91276
      KIP.
      Participant

      Don’t look on his social media. Zero contact means social media to. If anyone tries to tell you about him, simply tell them you’re not interested in what he’s doing and don’t want to hear any gossip about him. He will try to get noticed by you. He wants to upset you. He wants to be living in your head, rent free x

    • #91283
      Lettitgo
      Participant

      Thanks …I thought I was doing the right thing being honest….maybe I’ve made s mistake😔 I didnt look on his social media never do, unfortunately my kids have it and told me, they have since unfollowed though as they dont want to see it either x

    • #91284
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’re doing the right thing. Sensible kids x

    • #91288
      hop
      Participant

      You sound like you’re doing the right thing. It is so hard but he wants you alone. Go against your instinct to talk about him and definitely anyone who tries to tell you about him question their motives. It’s not a game so why are people wanting you to know everything he say. Take care x

    • #91289
      KIP.
      Participant

      There is no right and wrong when dealing with an abuser. You know your new partner best. I do believe under these circumstances it’s right to let them know the situation, for their own safety. Whatever else you disclose is between you and him. Perhaps you need to have the discussion about how much your new partner actually wants to know? Address his feelings on the subject. It’s bound to upset him as he wouldn’t want to see you upset, but it’s taking the time away from your new relationship. I know these abusers and he’s not going to give up trying to get to you. You can’t change his behaviour but you can change how it affects you in your new life. 👍

    • #91296
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi can I also say that in the beginning of new relationships, for some reason society has made the role that we’re totally upfront and honest about our previous experiences and life before our new one. Some things should be left unsaid. I honestly would be too afraid that someone in the future would use my experience against me. Enjoy your new life, the best revenge you can do is to go on and be happy. Your poor children were unwitting flying monkeys but they have done the right thing by blocking him. He’s still their dad and that need will always be the debut sadly he’s not the type of father they need.
      Stay strong, be happy and keep posting. Recovery is a long road with many bumps along the way, we’d be more then honoured to help you along it.
      Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

    • #91308
      Lettitgo
      Participant

      Hi thanks…. hes not the kind of dad they needs d since separating does not bother with them at all (because he cant have me) this has been tough o them and they are almost going through a grieving process as hes just abandoned them😔 this makes me sad for them (but hel know this!!). However ultimately it wi be his loss…..but it’s tough x

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