Threats

[Cantmakedecisons]

I know that when these men make hideous threats that it’s normally just hot air but what if ‘that threat’ is absolutely real and so frightening and you can’t take the risk of it actually happening.

[maddog]

Please take threats seriously. Abusers don’t have boundaries. Please speak to your GP and the other people in your life. The Domestic Abuse team on 101 will be able to guide you towards local help.

[KIP.]

Definitely report a serious threat to the police. Very often they do carry out their threats. It can almost be an advanced warning. They just can’t help themselves but blab. Yes there’s also lots of hot air in between but trust your gut. Mine threatened to report me to the DSS which he did. Obviously they took no further action but he tried to discredit me in every way he could.

[Cantmakedecisons]

The threat is directly related to doing that..reporting.

[maddog]

He won’t have to know that you’ve reported him. He sounds very cowardly.

[KIP.]

Yep. Mine threatened he would do x if I reported him. He’s going to threaten anything to prevent you from reporting abuse. It’s threatening behaviour, coercion and a crime already.

[KIP.]

Keep any evidence of his behaviour like text messages emails etc. It really depends on the threat. Mine made loads. If it’s something your can take action to prevent then do so. If he’s threatening your life and health then I’d report him to the police and get their help.

[Cantmakedecisons]

It’s not quite as simple as it might sound. I have reported him before then recanted because of this type of thing. I left almost six months ago and have been in my own place, it’s been hard, really hard! He just won’t let go..

[KIP.]

If you recanted then he probably thinks he can get away with his behaviour. It’s not too late to report him again. Many women do. It sounds like he’s had every opportunity to leave you alone and you’ve given him chance after chance. You could ring the police and tell them he threatened you the last time to make you withdraw your statement. I think it’s time to involve the police again. For your own safety.

[Cantmakedecisons]

I was afraid you’d say that.. the thought of going through it all again, well it’s hideous.

I’m so anxious about it all that I’m losing/picking my hair, as in my scalp has an actual massive bald patch!!! It’s so big and looks awful.

[KIP.]

Do you have support from women’s aid? Have you spoken to your GP. It’s having him in your life that’s stressful. Taking that step to remove him from your life seems scary but doing nothing will just prolong the anxiety x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Honestly KIP I’ve accessed almost everything I can, I’ve literally exchausted people abs resources BUT unable to follow this through, he scares me so much and I’m not sure I’ll ever be free of this constant harm. Since leaving he’s upped the intensity and I’m living (just) a frigging nightmare. There’s something wrong with me but being able to do this!

[KIP.]

It’s fear. Sometimes when we are frozen with fear is when we need to let others take over for us. You cannot manage a man like that yourself. Just keep using the support you have until you find the strength x

[KIP.]

Have you ever had counselling? It might be good to talk to someone about how to manage that fear and not let it overwhelm you.

[Watersprite]

Mine threatened to kill me and his own child.
I get the fear and the what ifs….
still standing so far fingers crossed.
I agree with Kip fear immobilises only you can know what is safest and best for you – but keep moving forwards staying stuck and facing this is hell. Please keep reaching out for support. You left him – remember how brave and strong you are !!! Also get an emergency non mol order- look at NCDV. Xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

I just feel like I’ve exhausted everything.. and feel completely alone. It’s like no one gets my fear. Of course, I know you all have had/having just awful experiences but I can’t seem to put into words..THIS. There’s nothing else i can do!? I’ve reached out and Because I’m not compliant to the ‘normal’ way or process everyone, I feel is getting fraustrated and annoyed at me. I hate this and I hate me, some pathetic weak women who needs to get a grip, but can’t. He already had my kids and I’m living alone, with limited contact, what kind of mother does that make me? It’s like I know the end to the story but can’t fight to change it. Sorry for going on..

[maddog]

The fear is horrendous. I sometimes feel as though I’ve exhausted all the resources. You haven’t. You know where they are.

With the help of counselling, I have become less afraid of the pathetic coward my ex is. I know NHS does trauma therapy. You may be better to ask Rape Crisis or Women’s Aid if they can help you move on.

I feel very fortunate that I have been able to speak to members of his family about his behaviour. It’s taken a good couple of decades!

Focus on yourself. Baby steps.

You’re not alone with this

[Cantmakedecisons]

I am having counselling via rape crisis, she is lovely but I’m hardly able to communicate because I hyperventilate as soon as I start talking or cry. I’m currently in isolation for 14 days so haven’t been able to go this week and can’t next week either. All the time he knows I home day/night isn’t helping my anxiety. I’m like a sitting duck, reaction to every noise and just waiting for the next time.

[Watersprite]

My heart goes out to you. Speak to your GP re your symptoms and ask about PTSD.

Call 999 if he comes. It’s ok to cry in counselling – there is a lot to grieve.

There is no ‘normal’ to this he did not treat you like a normal loving partner. You are doing your best in terrible circumstances. You are not alone x

[Author]

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