Threats to go to court. Am I in the wrong ?

[Looneytunes]

So me and my ex decided to give it another go. Big mistake because the same patterns happened again.  We tried therapy ( his request) clearly hasn’t worked.

ive told him it will take time to build us back up and work on us but he doesn’t agree with time .  He would like it all to go at his pace , we have a (detail removed by Moderator) yr old together which I have concerns with him having by himself .

i have to prompt him and remind him multiple times about (detail removed by Moderator), and just general stuff .

at the very beginning during pregnancy he had his doubts. And has admitted he doubted me all through pregnancy till he saw baby and then he knew baby was his .  I have never stopped him seeing baby but I have said not my himself till I know baby’s needs and care are met .  He thinks just cos he is dad he should be able to take baby out alone.  When ever I raise concerns with what he does he shrugs it off, says I take it the wrong way and what he does there is no harm cos dad is supervising baby.

gave baby (detail removed by Moderator) to play with
puts baby on tables and sides for baby to play

Always feeds baby late

wanted to leave baby (detail removed by Moderator) sleeping whilst he (detail removed by Moderator), I was there and said no so now he says well it didn’t happen someone was with baby  yes me because I would not leave baby (detail removed by Moderator).

he plays mind games but says it’s me.  Will message me abuse : (detail removed by Moderator) all this but then the next day he’s flirting and trying to kiss and cuddle me  . When I ask him he says he just trying to lighten the mood cos he’s calmed down.

whenever he gets upset or p****d off he cancels to see baby cos he doesn’t want to be near me but then says I’m the one who stopped him and why he has missed out on so much .

im ruing the bond , im affecting my child .

now he has threatened court for about the (detail removed by Moderator) time .

 

im soo drained i dont know what to do

 

[Lisa]

Hi Looneytunes,

You’re not in the wrong. You’re doing what you need to make sure your child is safe. He is doing things that are neglectful or put your child at active risk of harm. It’s completely reasonable for you to ensure your child’s needs are met and they’re cared for appropriately before letting him have time alone with them. It’s really unfair of him to blame you for the consequences of his behaviour. Threatening court sounds like another way for him to pressure you to get what he wants. It sounds exhausting trying to cope with his abuse while you’re caring for a young child. The mind games sound really confusing too, he’s expecting you to be automatically fine just because his mood has changed.

You don’t mention any support, you could reach out to your local domestic abuse service for this if you wanted. You deserve to have support to protect yourself and your child. If you wanted to access some information about child contact, so that you know your rights and what to expect if he did follow through with his threats and go to court, Rights of Women and Coram’s Child Law Advice websites both have lots of information, and both services have advice lines you can call if you have questions that aren’t answered on the sites.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Looneytunes]

It is . I am mentally drained .  He puts the blame on to me.

i accept I’m not letting him having time alone but he doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong.  He doesn’t see it as neglect or dangerous because he is there closely “supervising” .
if we have argued in the past I have still showed up at weekends so he can have his time.  This time I’m not doing, I don’t feel comfortable around him and he is now saying I am ruining the chance for his bond to build.

 

at the very start he wanted a paternity test because he had doubts. When I questioned him he said yes I have doubts but I’m not accusing u of anything.
you have doubts the baby is yours yet ur not accusing me 🤷🏻‍♀️.  He is a very good manipulator and he makes u feel like the worst person because I have put boundaries up.  He sees them as restrictions and has openly said he will push my boundaries .

 

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