Tiny speck of light

[Coogeebee]

I just want to offer some hope to those older ladies who feel trapped and hopeless in an abusive relationship. (detail removed by Moderator) ago I was still with my verbally mentally emotionally gas lighting partner of (detail removed by Moderator) years. I am (detail removed by Moderator) in (detail removed by Moderator). After a week of non stop abuse including him chopping up furniture, something clicked and I left with just my dog and important documents. It’s been very hard as he continues to try and manipulate me with abusive phone calls, turning up where I’m staying and dumping some of my belongings on the door step, now leaving me messages saying he is seeing someone to help him deal with domestic violence. Apparently it’s common for them to do this. If I don’t answer the phone or return messages he threatens to turn up here. Despite everything, I have no regrets, every now and then I see a tiny sparkle of light and allow myself to get a little excited about my future. Because now I have a future, before I left whatever time I have left was filled with dread at getting older and more frail and being with him. Now I can start to embrace a future free of abuse. Don’t give up, never say never. Whatever happens it will be better than walking on egg shells all the time, waiting for the next explosion of abuse.

[Reallyconfused]

Huge respect to you. I’ve approached solicitors several times but haven’t broken the trauma bond sadly.
Some caring people are getting very frustrated with me for not leaving. Looking at it objectively I can understand that.
He’s being quite nice to me at the moment. My parents worry that as I get older, what my life will be like. I’m so angry with myself for not carrying anything through. Why am I so weak ?
I exist in this strange world of pretence where nothing is actually meaningful. My son is about to leave home so I will only be with my husband.
Even my son is frustrated for not making up my mind. He can’t understand that my confidence in myself is shot to pieces.
Sometimes I question my own sanity , am I making a huge deal of everything? Though my feelings guide me and I feel the hurt of decades.
He dislikes everyone and has argued and shouted at all family so no one visits.
I dare not invite friends as he will insult them / talk about me behind my back etc.
I wish something would “click” in me as it has done for you which would force me to make a decision.
He is being especially nice at the moment but I am waiting for the next explosion.
I wonder what life will be like
1. With him and me in the house alone
2. Living completely on my own.

I am so happy when I read positive outcomes for everyone, even though things may still be difficult. But you have your freedom.
My parents worry so much that as I get older I will never be able to leave. I hate hurting them as they are so old themselves.
Thank you to everyone for just reading and being there. You have no idea how much it helps.

[Author]

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