Tips/ advise please?? 🏡

[Busyditch]

I’m in the safe house but my son is staying with his brother. He is basically sofa surfing which is crushing me. I want him with me. Admittedly when we left the home (detail removed by Moderator) and we arrived at the house with our few belongings we were a mess. I mean it was so traumatic I fainted and my son caught me, that’s the mess I was in. Well, the safe house isn’t exactly top standard accommodation and we didn’t want to stay there.

I realise now though that the issue was the whole situation and not the accommodation. It was never going to look like home and we were looking through traumatised eyes.

My problem is that my son won’t come back, not even to look at it. So my question is how can I make the place feel more comfortable without any money. So when he finally comes (I’ll make sure he does somehow) he thinks it’s actually not so bad after all?

[Eggshells]

It’s a difficult one. You can make anywhere feel like home just by settling into it. It becomes familiar and you overlook the bad bits.

It sounds like your son is quite old so trying to make him a space that he can call his own might help.

I enlisted the help of friends and managed to get some bits and bobs for free. E.g old TV that wouldn’t pick up a signal but worked perfectly well with his x-box. Freecycle would be a useful place to start.

I also swept the market for cheap broadband. Money Saving Expert is usually across the best deals.

My sons room now has a small double bed (the cheapest Amazon had) a hanging rail, a chest of draws (free from a relative) a TV (free from a relative) a cheap coffee table (free from freecycle) his x-box and good WiFi.

It’s really all he needed. He now has his own space which he is very comfortable in.

I also adopted a cat which cost me £50 for the pet and all his stuff (scratch posts, bowls etc). It was an extravagance but he is another family member now and he helps to make the place feel like home.

[Busyditch]

Freecycle!!! I never thought of that!! Thank you. X

[KIP.]

My son was traumatised by my trauma. He didn’t understand or know how to deal with it. I’d get some good counselling for him. Women’s aid run a freedom programme for children x it doesn’t matter what you do to the accommodation. I think it may be your trauma that he cannot deal with. Perhaps joint counselling?

[Busyditch]

I suspect you are right….. I immediately think ‘it’s my fault’ but… a part of me knows I shouldn’t think that but I css as my help it.

[Author]

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