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    • #71019
      keepgoing
      Participant

      Hi,

      I’ve posted here before but left. I decided to come back as I’m struggling with what’s going on just now.

      I finally left (detail removed by Moderator) ago to move in with family. He has taken it badly as an understatement and I would like some advice on how to cope with the ongoing issues –

      We have an older child together I should say.
      – daily messaging saying he will change he has stopped taking cocaine and getting help about his cannabis addiction
      – trying to make me say I will come back once he has proved himself
      – he was threatening to kill himself even sending me pics (detail removed by Moderator)
      – turning up at my family members whenever to see me or our child

      He was threatening to kill himself so much I actually called the police and ambulance after (detail removed by Moderator) days or non stop messaging about it, they went looking for him and we finally got contact the next day from him to say he was fine. They just checked he was physically fine and then let him be.

      I just don’t know what to do I feel like the most evil person in the world the way he is acting but I don’t love him and know I won’t go back but I’m worried about how he will cope he seriously thinks if he gets clean, gets a job etc I will go back in fact I think he’s surprised I’m not already even though it’s only been just over (detail removed by Moderator).

      How do I deal with him going forward? Total no contact, limited contact, full support to help him get help? I feel like I’m being judged for just leaving someone with clear mental health and addiction issues as if it’s all my fault?

    • #71020
      keepgoing
      Participant

      I should also say I’m letting him use my car just now as I’m scared to take it off him and also the concerned he could show up to him work to see me once he realises I’m not going back.

    • #71022
      Apricotpoppy
      Participant

      Hi Keepgoing, thats so great you managed to get out. Sounds like a really difficult situation however you are not responsible for him and his behaviour. There are lots of services he can use if he really wants to.Al
      Focus on you and your child. You will feel better the less contact you have.
      Keep safe they can be unpredictable at this time. Do you have WA support or a DA worker for support for you ?
      All the best x

    • #71023
      keepgoing
      Participant

      I think that’s what I’m finding the most difficult letting go of the fact that he is not my responsibility and is a grown adult. No I’m considering getting counseling to help me process everything but just taking it one day at a time.

    • #71027
      Apricotpoppy
      Participant

      One day at a time is a good plan ! You are
      doing great. It’s really hard especially when you are kind and loving and loyal. It will get better with time, especially with less contact. I haven’t been out for too long and the trauma bonding still affects me still but far less X

    • #71038
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi there, he is clearly harassing you and emotionally manipulation b you. Well done on calling the emergency services. He’s certainly hoping this threat of suicide will bring you running back. He is an adult but is acting like a 3yr old, throwing a tantrum when he’s not getting what he wants, you. keep going no contact, you’re doing brilliantly.
      It really is one day at a time isn’t it. I agree with @apricotpoppy, do you have any input from WA, they can help you make sense of all this and put plans in place to help you through it. Keep posting, I’ve been here a good few months now, it’s helped me a lot. I’m still with my oh but hope it won’t be long till we’re over😏
      💕💕

    • #71101
      keepgoing
      Participant

      Thanks iwantmeback it’s hard I feel really guilty about how I’m treating him can you believe it! After all the years of horrible stuff he’s put me thrPugh I feel bad for him and I know it’s because deep down I am a much stronger person than he is mentally. I can only think of this time next year I hope I’ll be free of all this for good!

      Thanks

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