Tired of being ‘Stuck’

[SparkofLight]

I was in my relationship for a very very long time. I have (detail removed by moderator) children with my ex, one who is nearly an adult themselves. Our relationship ended a few years ago and although at the beginning it was tough I know I have made the right decisions, not only for myself but for my children too. Many family and friends had told me I was in an abusive relationship but like many others felt that as there were no physical scars that cannot be the case.

Anyhow, it turns out that he shows very strong traits of (detail removed by moderator) and this has done a number on me in many ways, but I still know that being with him is not what I want.

What I’m struggling with is the anger that I feel that he has ‘moved on’!! It makes me sooo mad!! Why does he get to treat me so badly, leave both me and my eldest with emotional trauma and just get to skip on and have a happy life?!

I want to just not care about what’s going on in his life (although I do feel some sympathy towards his new girlfriend and can only hope that he doesn’t do the same to her). But I’m sad and lonely (I am getting better at being by myself) and frustrated! I’m doing my best to provide for my kids, clean up the messes that he likes to create to antagonise me and to keep myself out of the black hole that is depression and anxiety but it just seems that after all this I’m still no further forward.

I can’t even have conversations without it some how relating to him. We had been together all my adult life and so most experiences include him so it’s seems that he is always there… it’s tiring and boring!

I just feel stilted and that although my life is better not being with him, it’s not happier.

Any words of advice??

Thanks

Xx

[standtogether]

Hi Sparkoflight,

I am not sure I have much advice as such but I just wanted to sympathise with you as my ex was also (detail removed by moderator). He also met someone new very quickly after I left so it felt like one final trample over me but unfortunately it wasn’t the last of it.

You were with this person for so long and he’s got into your head and it will take time to change all those ways of thinking. But realising all these things and educating yourself is power too. I haven’t figured it out yet either but I have found letting myself cry and trying to accept that I’m allowed to find this all sad does help sometimes. Throwing yourself into what ever you can to distract is good because I know what you mean it’s all consuming sometimes.

Can you try doing something completely new that you may not have ever done with him or something in a place you never went with him?

Sending huge hugs x

[SparkofLight]

Hi StandTogether

Thanks for your reply.

I am trying to get out more, but can be difficult with childcare. Definitely trying to do new things or things I couldn’t when with him.

Sometimes I feel like I doing great and that anything’s possible and the next I’m back to the self doubt, even feeling sorry for him and that maybe I’ve misjudged him? Lol

If I don’t laugh I will cry (which I do, but thankfully less than before!)

I’m not even surprised on the meeting someone new, he cheated on me so many times when we were together it’s unreal – although somehow I’m the selfish untrustworthy and not worthy one!

I just wish others could really see gim for who he is without it being me that’s said something, just to confirm to me it real… bit then again that self doubt is the aftermath of being with (detail removed by moderator) right?! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Stay strong, it’s a long road right? But it’s nice to know there are others out there who understand and support – hugs right back at you! X

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