23rd April 2016 at 10:51 pm #15116Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
We ate together and the conversation went on a particular topic. He had to put me down with his usual stern tone of voice in front of the kids about a subject that is scientific but which I know enough about to be able to confirm the reasons why people are upset. He kept saying the opposite to me and the atmosphere brought on by his tone of voice could have been cut with a knife…he was really proud and adamant and used absolutely no diplomacy nor politeness to express his view, it was like “it is how I say it is and nothing else!”
This lead a while after to my child mocking me, whispering to his dad reporting my actions to search for information about the subject and being spoken about as if I was a troublemaker.
Nothing changes then, I still have a highly entitled man who thinks he is right and wont accept he may be wrong, especially when his wife voices obvious logical arguments which make the conversation interesting and open a debate where I WAS able to admit I could be wrong.
It turned out I was right! But what shocked me is how my child behaved about me, as proud and disloyal as his dad…whispering, mocking, reporting…
It hurts to see your own children become a copy of their abusive dad…
23rd April 2016 at 11:01 pm #15118Falling SkysParticipant
That what hurts me to when my children sides with my abuser. But as someone on here posted on here it’s easier to side with the bully than put yourself forward to be the next victim.
Though in the same property we don’t communicate verbally anymore. Which stops all this stupid mindless abuse. He was always putting my point of view down.
Big hugs and stay strong
23rd April 2016 at 11:07 pm #15121Escaped not freeParticipant
I’ve experienced this. My ex pert nerd son would mimick his father. It’s natural, dad is a boys first hero, they don’t know any better. The way he was permitted and encouraged to speak to me my own boys felt particularly annoyed and upset by. Then my daughter who is younger obviously thought well if he can do it, I will too and for the first time in her life I was having problems with rudeness and a total lack of respect. The weird thing was, he didn’t do it when his dad wasn’t there. It’s really hard, I removed my children and they know that treating people this way is unacceptable. I don’t know how you do that when it’s both your child and you are living in the same house. I feel sad that my partners son is destined to grow up just like him. I would check your son on it, you maybe can’t do it with his dad but explain the effect it has on your feelings when he acts a certain way. It’s worth a try, boys don’t generally set out to hurt their mums they are just following examples. But then I guess we have to teach them what are good examples of behaviour and what are not and why. Good luck! It’s a really tough one. X
24th April 2016 at 2:57 pm #15163SerenityParticipant
What would make their game fall flat and be without power- and make them look stupid and ridiculous- would be to act as if you are too strong and too bored to be interested in their game or to be affected by it.
However, this is hard to keep up long term. I hope you find a way to lee away from these situations where they have the opportunity to abuse.
Do you need to eat with the man? The reality is that he is an abuser.
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