This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Camel 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #99415
     Circles 
    Participant

    I have told my husband of many years that i want to separate. the last straw was (detail removed by moderator) and was something minor really but the compounded behaviour over the years had built up. I threatened to leave (detail removed by moderator) ago after a physical incident and he talked me into staying but here we are again. Ive told him that i cant carry on with this behaviour and i want to separate. We have 2 children and share the family home. At the minute he is messaging saying he knows its his fault and that he doesn’t want to break up. He doesn’t know what to do, cant believe its come to this etc etc. the trouble here is that he’s not bad all the time…seems to go through phases and more that his reactions to things seem extreme in relation to whats actually happened. Over the top and upsetting for me and the children.
    I am finding it very hard to keep my resolve at the minute as we still have to share the house for the foreseeable although i am speaking with a solicitor and he knows this and i have said i want a divorce.
    its how i stay strong about all of this and keep to what i know is best for me and my children.

  • #99416
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Please contact Women’s aid. This is a very dangerous time for you. It’s the most dangerous time when a woman ends the relationship. Do not tell him anything you’re doing. Get some legal advice about an occupation order so that he has to leave the property and is not allowed access. Living together while separating is extremely dangerous and his abuse will get worse. Google the cycle of abuse. Read Living with the Dominator. Knowledge Is Power so know your enemy.

  • #99417
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Expect all sorts of emotions from him as he tries to regain control. If his begging doesn’t work he will change to emotional blackmail and involve the children, if that doesn’t work he will blame you for everything and play the victim with anyone that will listen. Then maybe financial abuse when he takes control of that, aggression and violence comes when he feels he’s lost so be very careful x

  • #99567
     Camel 
    Participant

    Hi Circles

    KIP is correct about the emotional manipulation. When you tried to leave him the first time you put him on notice. This time around he’s acting all surprised that it’s come to this and doesn’t want to break up despite agreeing it’s all his fault. Where in any of his behaviour is respect for your feeling? He’s still making it all about him – he doesn’t know what to do. I’d say he’s missed many chances to do anything, even taking into account the times when he behaves like a normal human being. Get advice asap regarding your living arrangements.

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

EXIT SITE

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account