- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
honestly think he’s been as horrible as he could possibly be and I still stay.. I am a shell of myself I am miserable. None of my needs are being met… not even bare minimum .. we used to have weeks between huge outbursts now it’s days.. the ups and downs are constant. Every disagreement he ends it and makes me beg which I always do because I cannot bare life without him. Another argument (detail removed by Moderator) over absolutely nothing… ended up with him using all my worst triggers in text to really torture my brain and mental health ( I have a disorder that effects my emotions and fear of abandonment ) then blocking me and ending the relationship which he knows are both huge triggers for me. It made me spiral into chaos. I couldn’t breathe from the panic attack it started when I couldn’t contact him. I had to sleep in (detail removed by Moderator) with our (detail removed by Moderator) baby.. he didn’t care.. I came in at (detail removed by Moderator) because I was cold (made sure our baby was warm and cosy) but this involved me being freezing. It’s (detail removed by Moderator) here.. he was in bed and he told me to (detail removed by Moderator). I said please can we just stay in the warm I won’t talk.. he started to raise his voice so I had to leave again..He’s evil yet still id do anything for that hug .. that crumb of affection.. anything.. he’s made me hate myself. Not recognise myself.. I’ve never felt so horrific about my looks and self esteem. It’s a 0. I’m at an all time low. Even though I know we will “make up” he only love bombs me for a few hours maybe a day at most now so it doesn’t even feel worth the highs now. I’d say he ends it in the worst way probably (detail removed by Moderator) times a week and it causes the addictive rush of a trauma bond. It’s all so cruel I’m broken. Sorry I just needed to get this out. I can’t leave .. I’m seeking therapy because I know I’d stay forever if I don’t. I am truly trauma bonded completely. Can I get therapy for a trauma bond?
-
-
That sounds a cruel situation. I wonder if you have any talking therapies for your mental health issues and if they could help you?
Sadly abusers use our mental health conditions against us and have no interest in us feeling well, as long as we function well enough to serve them.
I endured my own trauma bond for decades, an absolutely horrendous time, like when people fall in love with their torturers, is it called Stockholm Syndrome? -
Wanttogetbetter
So sort to hear how awful things have been for you
Please reach out get as much help as you can, I know it’s very difficult but maybe start with your doctor or local womenaid
I relate entirely to what you experience, you’re certainly not on your own. Do keep posting and reaching out on here.
Hugs x
-
I’m like this in my current relationship this is my second abusive one. I’m still kind of in denial hoping as gets older he will soften. I have fear of abandonment and I’d say every day now he threatens to leave. He knows how that makes me feel. If my daughters room is a mess or her bf stays to long he can leave me for days with no contact . I know it’s punishment. He will do drugs with his friends and when he comes back he’s on a come down. Even when he’s not on one I have to listen to him rant all morning until he goes out. I sit in silence now because if I retaliate he threatens to go. Also to top it off he won’t work.
I want things to change I get all set to get myself out of this. Once he’s gone I crumble. It’s hard to explain panic sets in, I can’t sleep 😕 I have nightmares. I can’t eat. I can’t function I just feel lost in the world completely alone. I know this sounds dramatic 🙄. I just feel very disregulated. I know I need to get therapy although I don’t believe it will work ?
So sorry I’ve hijacked your post.
I jumped on to essentially say I feel exactly the same.
Let’s hope we can find a way forward.
Love babyface
Xxxx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
