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    • #104292
      lostandbroken
      Participant

      I am just wondering how long it took you to break from the trauma bond? I know it differs for everyone and we all have our own different experiences from abuse, and what stages are the process?

      I’m currently pining and missing him badly, self doubting myself etc 💔

    • #104293
      lostandbroken
      Participant

      And the anxiety of it all, how long does that take to go away? I constantly feel sick with it ☹️

    • #104308
      HunkyDory
      Participant

      As you say everyone is different. I’m (detail removed by moderator) out and although I get the occasional pang of missing what we had, I know it was a lie and my rational self kicks in.

      I try not to dwell on the good times. Rather when I feel like I miss him, I run through the bad times in my head or read over my diaries. I keep busy. I walk, garden, listen to music, dance when I’m cooking. I push him out of my head pretty much immediately He arrives. I started EMDR for PTSD before lockdown and even the preliminary discussion helped. I’ll continue it when we are out of lockdown. It won’t stop me thinking about things but hopefully I’ll be able to process them better so thoughts aren’t as intrusive.

      It gets better, honestly. Ride the storm, treat yourself well, and know there is another life waiting. Xx

    • #104311
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      This is where I’m at now too, logically I know it’s going to take however long that will be for my healing process. Yesterday was a terrible day. Realisation that I’m in my own house now, that I am on my own struck the fear in me. I talked it through with some amazing friends and today I do feel better. I thought i was going to be physically sick with the nerves of it all, but I got through the day.
      Baby steps sweetheart, it’s all we can do.
      💞💞

    • #104333
      lostandbroken
      Participant

      Every morning I wake up with the anxious realisation of what’s going on and sets me off all day. I have my tablet around 5 as it’s still settling in and making me yucky, so I’m nice and relaxed by bed time. But god I miss him so much! X

    • #104334
      KIP.
      Participant

      Try to remember you’re craving what was normal to you. Even if that normal was abuse. It’s the fake him that you miss. The act he put on to keep you hooked in. The real nasty man is what you get if you allow him back. Your brain just wants to protect you just now. Things will get easier if you stick to the path x

    • #104344
      Balloons
      Participant

      Hi lostandbroken, I just wanted to let you know that I am currently feeling the same. The anxiety is sky high and I cant help but think about how I thought things were going to be. Sorry, not much advice but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. xx

    • #104345
      lostandbroken
      Participant

      I am certainly craving the fantasy of the family life he promised to give me right at the beginning when we found out we were having our first child together. Little did I know I wasn’t the only girl in his life at the time. He’s put me through so much!! Physical, emotional, verbal and financially abusive. Not only that, came the betrayal! He’s such a catch isn’t he!! He’s now playing the calm cool collection guy to my 3rd party, saying it’s for the best (which it is)! But why does he get to do what he’s done and be the one to say that? No heart whatsoever! X

    • #104353
      lostandbroken
      Participant

      Woke up with the same rubbishy sick anxious feeling, whilst processing everything that’s happening. He’s coming to collect the rest of his stuff this week, and to repair some damages he’s done to the house during some of his rages.

      I think once his stuff has gone, then he has no reason to be lingering around. My neighbour will have the key and watch what he’s doing and I will be out of the way whilst it’s happening.

      Once this is finally done he has no reason to come back. I’ve cleansed the house of him, nothing of his face anywhere now and replaced with photos of me and my daughters and family.

      I feel physically sick and shaking, I hope this passes soon.

      I have chosen to return to work at the office, it will be made safe for me and my little one will be with family so she is perfectly safe too, I need this for my sanity. X

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