Triggered

[Texas]

Hi

So some of you might have read some of my posts and know a bit about my story. I have been really focusing on my healing and putting the past behind me.  I thought up until recently I had been doing quite well then something happened.

What happened was perhaps to most people not of significance.  I was speaking to some friends and someone made a joke.  Not directed at me, just in general. Unfortunately, and unknown to the others, due to the topic of the joke, it triggered within me a very strong emotional reaction.  It honestly felt like I had been teleported back in time and I was reliving the abuse.  There was no images in my head or anything, just the feelings were so strong.

Has anyone else experienced this?  I am sure it is just a minor setback but it really took me by surprise.

[Lisa]

Hello Texas,

Thank you for your post and for sharing this with us. This experience sounds really distressing, I’m glad you are reaching out to talk about this.

Sadly it is very common to experience a strong emotional reaction, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks or anxiety when triggered by a reminder of the trauma of domestic abuse. Trauma triggers can be unsettling and scary, however there are ways to manage them once you are able to identify triggers in the moment.

Grounding exercises that refocus your mind on your safety in the here and now can be useful, this might be noticing what you can see, hear, smell or touch in your surroundings, focusing on a breathing exercise to regulate your body’s physical reaction to the trigger, or a visualisation that redirects your mind away from the traumatic memories. There are lots of good examples of grounding exercises online.

Have you been able to access any counselling around this at all? Your GP may be able to refer you for counselling through the NHS, alternatively, the Counselling Directory is a good resource to find a professional counsellor or therapist in your area: https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

I’m sure others here on the forum will be able to empathise with your experience, you’re not alone in what you’re gong through.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Texas]

Hi Lisa

Thanks for the reply.  Yes I do have like a checklist when I get these episodes but I guess it was more the strength of the emotional reaction that took me by surprise.  I keep telling myself this is all part of the healing process and sometimes you have to go back a couple of steps to go forward.  I would rather that then carry it around for years unprocessed.

I do have some very angry words about people who abuse others and cause this level of harm.

[Highway61]

Hi,

Have come back on the forum after nearly three years because of a similar experience. Its taken a long time for me to get my mental health back to the point where I can say “I am not depressed” and “I am not anxious” day to day. I’ve had (number removed by Moderator) sickness absences of (number removed by Moderator) months in the past (number removed by Moderator) months because of triggering episodes and poor mental health building up and not having support in place to deal with them. Today I can honestly say I haven’t felt better in years – although my physical health and sleep still have some work to go to make up for all those years of not being cared for – nevertheless, I’ve just been in a meeting this afternoon and domestic abuse became a topic and those waves of emotions and flashbacks and feeling heavy and sad and distracted have come over me again. I now have a bit of a First Aid Kit for when these things happen so I messaged my boss and told her I needed to take some time this afternoon for self-care.  I tried contacting my employee assistance line online because the kids are home but I was told I had to ring them and speak on the phone/triage before I could be supported on the online chat. I’m annoyed about that – I can’t speak on the phone, the kids are about so, thank goodness for WA Forums – I have come on here where I know I can talk about my experience and be understood.

I think the triggering has also been made worse because I saw my ex at (event removed by Moderator) last (timeframe removed by Moderator) and he was being really nice, he was with his girlfriend who seems nice but I haven’t spent much time with her before. He told me he was happy to go half for the (event removed by Moderator) and when big things like this come up I only have to ask for a contribution from him (‘only have to ask’ – eye roll!), he then asked if we could meet up and catch up to chat about the kids every now and again because they’re getting bigger and more complex at the moment and it would help if we could communicate – I said yes – then went home and was almost fantasising about being able to talk to him openly about the things that are going on with our kids and have some mutual support in raising them and that would be better for them because we’ll be able to properly co-parent and…then I realised I was crying and sad and snapped into reality because this is part of the cycle and he is really good at putting the act on in public and I realised there is no way that is going to happen and all he was doing was trying to hook me in again and get some control again and even when he is ‘being nice’ its just part of his cruelty. I thought I’d pulled myself together but the meeting today was triggering in itself and made me reflect on how I’d been feeling after the (event removed by Moderator). It’s just brought up a lot of pain and I’m angry and sad and all he’s actually done is re-traumatize me – which is his specialty. Apart from all those feelings I’m just mad that he still takes up so much of my time simply because I have to manage these feelings and pay for counselling and take time out of work – it is very inconvenient!

 

So – I too have some very angry words for people who cause this harm and apparently don’t face any real consequences for it and really, just carry on doing it, whenever they get the opportunity.

Solidarity x

 

[Author]

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