With true lack of foresight I found myself at a work meeting at the place we got married. Managed the meeting OK, but walking away I was overwhelmed by sadness and anger that he could have f****d it all up so spectacularly. We could have had everything, and it wasn’t enough for him so he drank to ‘deal with the stress and anxiety’ and of course you know where that ends. I’m drinking tea in a cafe crying and trying to gather the strength to go and see my elderly parents this afternoon. He always had an excuse and a reason ‘why not’ but could never live in the present to enjoy what we had, and now he has nothing. I’m keeping busy but I feel empty, that I am keeping ticking boxes to keep going. I just want to scream and shout and say it’s not fair, why me, what did I do to deserve this…..