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    • #78809
      teabag
      Participant

      I’m sat on my bed tearful. I feel terrible lonely. I’ve had to rely on two people who have in my opinion been unkind at times. I get , I thought you were stronger, get a grip, I can’t believe you put up with that.Theres no hope for you, you’re a disaster.
      A few weeks ago I was out with said couple and a man approached me and made several sexual comments. I didn’t find this amusing but they did. I asserted myself and was told I was aggressive and should laugh it off. This same couple laugh at my living accommodation to. In between all of this they have helped me out hugely. ( sounds familiar, their behaviour)

      Today was the final straw when I was tagged in FB. It said someone loves you, but not me, I think your a …… . It triggered the past, abuse, feeling unworthy and that I have nobody. I don’t know how to handle this other than not respond and keep my distance. The couple in question, it’s the male that’s a piece of work. I have not responded to his drunk comments of how he would like to be with me if he wasn’t married.
      I don’t think there is anyone with a decent heart that exists anymore.
      How does one manage this without adding to the fire because that’s what will happen.
      Sorry this is long.

    • #78810
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi, I would come off all social media. They don’t have to know why but it gives you some breathing space. Avoid them from now on as much as you can.

    • #78848

      I do

      n’t think there is anyone with a decent heart that exists anymore.

      I get this. The way I get round it in my thinking is leaning on some philosophies…

      mostly…the potential for good…(and evil)…exist in all of us. It depends what we choose to nurture, and what is nurtured…by…for example those around us…who might choose to excuse or prop up abuse…

      I try to restore hope …by appreciating the small things that people do…with kindness…and if I get there…the things that I can do…

      they say that about compassion that compassion creates compassion…

      circles of compassion create waves…

      it is so hard to feel that when we encounter abuse…but/and KIP is right to say come off social media. there is something about it – that sometimes reduces people to low levels of behaviour…that thing about not being (apparently) accountable…

      ftc
      x

    • #78849

      I do

      n’t think there is anyone with a decent heart that exists anymore.

      I get this. The way I get round it in my thinking is leaning on some philosophies…

      mostly…the potential for good…(and evil)…exist in all of us. It depends what we choose to nurture, and what is nurtured…by…for example those around us…who might choose to excuse or prop up abuse…

      I try to restore hope …by appreciating the small things that people do…with kindness…and if I get there…the things that I can do…

      they say that about compassion that compassion creates compassion…

      circles of compassion create waves…

      it is so hard to feel that when we encounter abuse…but/and KIP is right to say come off social media. there is something about it – that sometimes reduces people to low levels of behaviour…that thing about not being (apparently) accountable…

      ftc
      x

    • #78850

      and do try to forgive yourself for leaning on these people.
      sometimes we have limited choices…and solitude sometimes seems harder than being with people who are really not helping us…
      ftc
      x

    • #78865
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi teabag, just sending a virtual hug. I had that from my ex husband’s friend.(not my OH, who I’ve recently left) Once he realised we’d split up he made his intentions perfectly clear, I cut all ties with him and his wife, who I loved dearly. I didn’t need that in my life then, it just reiterated my thoughts that most men are disgusting and have this grand entitlement. You thought you could rely on these people, please don’t beat yourself up about this. It’s sad, sad that they’ve chosen to treat you this way, but I think once we’re aware of abusive behaviour, we see it everywhere and because we still feel so raw, we still take it personally.
      Blessing to you my friend, just take it one day at a time.
      💕💕

    • #78876
      Flowerchild
      Participant

      Darling teabag, please don’t blame yourself. There are predatory men and jealous women out there in droves the moment you become ‘available’ i.e. single.

      It happens to lots of widows, too. Men circle like sharks and imagine they’re doing a vulnerable woman a favour. Or that’s what they tell themselves. It’s classic behaviour from a certain sort.

      You needed them because there was nobody else but it’s gone sour now and I think you need to pull away from them both, ignoring whatever flak they send up by making it invisible and inaudible to you.

      A little bit of no-contact, in other words. In this situation you really find out who your true friends are – and aren’t!

      Talk to us; we’ll help.

      Flower x

    • #78969
      teabag
      Participant

      Thank you ladies. I just feel incredible lonely. I think your correct in that once your aware of the abuse you become aware of it everywhere. I don’t feel I can trust anyone and I’m (removed by moderator) down again. It’s a horrible world and to have these two people only to rely upon is depressing.
      But thank you for your compassion.

    • #78971
      AlwaysSorry
      Participant

      Hi sweetheart,
      I just wanted to say you deserve so much better than those two. It may seem like they are all you have, but you forget yourself. How strong you are to have been through what you’ve been through and to be here now. You can always rely on yourself. And while us ladies on here can’t quite be there for you in person, we certainly are in spirit.
      The loneliness has started to become.. bearable for me, but I miss talking with someone. When I think of my ex though, I remember I was lonely then too because it wasn’t talking, it was me listening. So I suppose this loneliness is better, at least I can fill it with something I choose to listen to. It would be lovely though to have conversations. I sometimes imagine after my talk-therapy that I rest my head on the shoulder of one of the friends I lost. I miss her dearly and while there is a very limited communication going on between us once or twice a month, it’s just not the same. He told me in graphic detail during a bad assault what he wanted me to imagine he would be doing to her sexually. It hurt and then he forbade me talking to her. I broke that sometimes by emailing her from a secret email account, but the friendship, well. But I picture resting my head on her shoulder again.
      Perhaps we need to find a way to build our boundaries while opening up to people again. It terrifies me. I’ve been thinking about joining a gym. The horror. Overweight woman with emotional baggage in a gym, what could possibly go right! Maybe there is something you could sign yourself up for doing that will give you some interaction in a safe environment.
      I’m sending you loads of comforting and soothing hugs your way – no matter how dark the loneliness feels, remember, there’s always this forum.

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