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    • #49851
      ineedtosurvivethis
      Participant

      I eventually left my abuser almost (detail removed by Moderator) days ago from being with him for (detail removed by Moderator) emotionally abusive months. Lovebombing at first, wanting children, then the cracks started to appear. He had a child with his ex who had suddenly left him and he referred to all of his exes as ‘s***s’. I always always baffled by this because he portrayed himself as this poor victim. little did i know he was a huge narc that eventually showed his true colours. It didnt take long, he would stop cars if we had an argument in the middle of nowhere just to assume control. He would call me a s**t, a w***e, anything demeaning if i left him to do some work at mine some days. It just got ridiculous. He reduced me to a worthless wreck. He had a drink and drugs problem and was vile to his ex and had to see his child at contact centres. He even had anger issues with (detail removed by Moderator) which he used to proudly boast about to everyone that he kicked him in the head and got away with it. It got to the stage where it was a daily battle with him with how he was.

      How i would have to have his dinner on the table and how i should give up my job because it was just a ‘pipe dream’ and he didn’t want me socialising at dinnertimes at my job with the s***s from where i worked. Everyone who i knew he then regarded as s***s and people who didn’t care about me. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere. I relied on him for transportation but I eventually got my own car to remain independent. This enraged him more. I got this car with my fathers inheritance who sadly passed from cancer. Suddenly i became this spoilt b***h with my dead daddys money he used to say, along with the fact that i caused my dads cancer and that everything around me died and became worthless.

      I got the strength to leave several times before, but after he came out with these statements i had to leave purely out of respect for myself and my father. the fact that this man thought it was ok to say i was responsible for my fathers cancer and death is just hateful and he thinks he is still ok to say it.
      I had the begging and the tears to come back and the suicide threats and i went back stupidly, but within hours he was just the same.
      I am just slowly getting over this, I had to leave the village where we both live because i know he is on some smear campaign now ive left him. Hes even made friends with my enemies just to spite and even blames me because SS got involved and he thought it was ok in his drug induced paranoia to blame me because the report was written well, so it had to be me! Not because the police had raided his house weeks previously and its their duty to refer to social services!!

      This man is a monster, who is now stopping at nothing but doing all this hateful stuff including adding my enemies on FB to b***h and what have you, threatening to kill me and waging a war in his head that quite frankly isnt there and i dont have the time to report him! Im frightened of what he is capable of, he has guns and is dangerous, i know the police are onto him but i haven’t said anything regardless of what he throws my way. Im sitting here confused because all i did was support the b****r and because ive taken the c**p before he thinks he can roll anything onto me!

      He even used to ring his mother during arguing with me to put a scare tactic on me that she was on her way to sort me out, so to speak! I found this very embarrassing, all this bravado of a nasty man who rings his mother when hes (detail removed by Moderator) to get her to come over and sort his mess out. I think they are all as bad as each other.

      I will never go back after this, the betrayals, the vile words. Trust me, going back only condones their behaviour towards you. it will get worse.
      (detail removed by Moderator) weeks in and feeling pretty awful. He just thinks going around doing this is acceptable and playing the victim with people and they are believing it.

      something needs to be done. Hes mentally unstable. Because he will end up killing me at this rate like he has said. The man is venomous and evil. I really don’t know how im going to get the strength to get through it. Each day eases but this smear campaign is a bugbear.

      Ladies, please just dont go back. Dont get to where i am and others who have fallen for the poor me tactic, stay strong. Get out of it.

    • #49860
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi and welcome ineedtosurvivethis to the Forum,

      So glad you posted for support. Can you block any channels so you can maintain a very strict No Contact from him. This may require you to come off Facebook. That way you won’t know what he’s doing, saying or befriending. He can say all he likes to whoever will listen (smear away to his heart’s content, mine did that and it is awful) but if you have all the channels of contact blocked, at least its not getting into your head and causing you upset. He knows this will get back to you, the threats etc and he’s actually getting a buzz from this. He’s actually able to hurt you using Facebook as his weapon. Are the threats to kill you being conveyed to you by Facebook or another means. You can take control and block his attempts to get these threats to you.

      Give him no reaction. Eventually he will secure another victim to put in fear, use as his slave and get his buzz from her upset and fear. Give him no reaction, don’t appear on his radar and he will be forced to go elsewhere.

      Keep posting for support, you will survive this:)

    • #49865
      ineedtosurvivethis
      Participant

      Hiya,
      Thanks for replying, yes i blocked him off everything, the fact he has gone to even my enemies and befriended them was the icing on the cake really after everything he knows how i feel about that person he still went and did it.
      i havent really done anything for him to act this way,the paranoia over SS being involved from me apparently reporting him when i didn’t and he has got it into his head just to do this to be nasty and regain control. i did nothing but love him and take his s**t!!

      he can do what he wants, you are right, his threats have been via telephone hence why i changed my number, left the village and went somewhere for a week or two. just to get my head clear. i dont expect anything less from him, but if im this terrible person hes making me out to be then why cant he just let it all go and walk away? surely he cannot be thinking of a reconciliation because i want nothing to do with him, im that strong now and especially after what he said about my dad with no remorse that he cannot possibly think that this is all going to be ok?

      i just dont understand what his stupid brain is thinking doing all this stuff and the consequences he is going to get himself in. end of the day, nothing he does either good (never happens) or bad (always happens) will make me go back anymore.

      whats done is done, he is more or less dead to me.

      how did you cope with it all? thank you for responding. im trying to keep my head on the straight and narrow and be strong although i do have a few wobbles sometimes.

      thank you for your kind support.
      x*x

    • #49958
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Why can’t he let it all go and walk away? Because he’s getting his kicks out of causing you distress. He has a problem. An addiction. He’s addicted to Power and Control over others and with an intimate partner he gets a huge surge of ‘fuel’ from your hurt, fear, worry and distress.

      If he can get you to reconcile with him it would be cheaper and less energy on his part to wine and dine a new victim. He has broken you in so he knows how to push the necessary buttons to get his high from your emotions. So yes if he can hoover you back in, he will do so.

      The best way to cope with it all is to go No Contact and to keep posting and reading the posts on here. You will heal from this and gain further knowledge and awareness. Knowledge is Power.

    • #49983
      Sunshine
      Participant

      This sounds like my ex but unfortunately I have a kid with him. He used to go on and on about my dad. Nasty comments as my dad used to help me. Please don’t under estimate what there capable of at this level. Report him to the police if he carries on I have just recently done this and he has bail conditions at the moment. I’ve never had so much peace and time to try and work on me. My ex talks vile about women too! They wil never change! well done for breaking free it’s the hardest thing to do but worth it xx

    • #49994
      KIP.
      Participant

      He’s doing this to get your attention. To try to get you to contact him again. He’s so desperate to feel your pain again. He will lie and behave outrageously until you break no contact. Then he will let rip and try to regain the power he had over you. Never contact him again. If his behaviour persists then let the police deal with him. There are new stalking laws to take care of his nonsense x

    • #50010
      RedFox
      Participant

      This is awful.
      Just don’t let it reach you (easier to say it than doing it, I know), as everyone else suggested remove your Facebook and get off social media for now or recreate accounts he can’t find (not using your name etc).
      Can you move away from him? Sometimes a fresh start can help.
      Surely once he knows you don’t hear about what he does, he’ll stop? I don’t know enough about how they function but if it doesn’t reach you, I imagine he would get tired of it.
      What he says about your dad is nasty. It’s wrong and not true, don’t listen to a word of it. Keep talking to your friends and find support wherever you can, including this forum.
      Good luck!

      • #50122
        ineedtosurvivethis
        Participant

        That’s really kind ladies. Made me cry a little! He’s got worse he will ring me have a go pht down the phone to make me feel bad and call back and I have just reached my limit. I was doing so well with no contact! Its had to restart again today but I cannot go on with this and him thinking what he is doing is right! He has practically ruined my life then blamed it on me! Apparently I go down in history as being the worst girlfriend ever! Even though two weeks ago he was begging me to marry him. And he says I’m the one who’s nuts!!!! Haha . Thank you guys It means a lot x x x

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