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    • #116139
      Freedom111
      Participant

      So after arguing about a lot of things (detail removed by Moderator) we were over, I had to block him on everything but I still had hundreds of calls from unknown number which is him and over 100 voicemails. I thought I could focus on myself and my children (he’s not their dad) but he turned up, I told him I don’t want to see or speak to him. I want nothing to do with him but he doesn’t listen. He still came to my house and wouldn’t leave, wouldn’t let me ring anyone. I went for (detail removed by Moderator), he followed me. Told me he would kill himself and took a load of tablets which made me feel awful. He left then came back (detail removed by Moderator) so say to get his stuff but then didn’t leave. He somehow manages to either talk me round or doesn’t listen to what I’m saying so I give up. So I’ve now just spent (detail removed by Moderator) with him which I didn’t want, just felt like I had to go along with it and act like it was ok.
      Now (detail removed by Moderator) we’re arguing because I don’t want him here when my kids come home. He isn’t happy about it and wants money from me because he helped me pay for some (detail removed by Moderator) when I moved into my new place. He says if I don’t find it by (detail removed by Moderator) he’s coming back and I have to get on with it. I’m so stressed out and angry at him and myself!

    • #116140
      KIP.
      Participant

      Please ring the police right now. This is very dangerous for you and your children. It’s typical domestic abuser behaviour and huge red flags for violence. You need the police now. Show them all the texts and missed calls. Tell them about the suicide threats and how you fear for your safety. Please don’t minimise this behaviour. This is where it’s most dangerous for a woman when she’s trying to end a relationship. You’ve given him every chance to leave, now it’s time to involve the police.

    • #116141
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s not his choice. It’s your life and your decisions. He’s not your responsibility. You need to keep him away at all costs. They will use any excuse to keep coming back, inventing lies, suicide threats, pretending you owe them money, feigning illness. It’s not true. Just another way to keep that hook in you. He’s manipulated you so often he thinks he can keep doing it. You need outside help to deal with him. Ring your local women’s aid too who can support you through this.

    • #116142
      maddog
      Participant

      I second KIP’s advice. You are dealing with a profoundly damaged little boy who grew into a dangerous adult. Again, please don’t minimise this behaviour. The police are there to help you and they are there to keep you and the children safe. Victim Support can help too. Don’t do this alone. It’s a terrifying and dangerous time. Please reach out in real life and keep posting. There is a way through this difficult path.

    • #116159
      Freedom111
      Participant

      Thankyou for your replies.
      It’s such a mess, we’ve been together almost (detail removed by Moderator) but we split during the (detail removed by Moderator) and he was constantly calling being nasty and making threats. During this time I found out some information about him from the police and he was told to leave me alone. I was weak and let him back in though. It’s been so up and down all throughout, mostly due to my children’s dad sticking his nose in.
      He can be very nasty in the things he says, I always believed he would never hurt me physically but now I think it is possible if it got that bad. In the end we did have a nice (detail removed by Moderator) together but the whole time I just didn’t feel right. I know I don’t want this anymore i just feel bad and upset.

      I’m going (detail removed by Moderator) my children’s dad, he’s using my mental health against me and the fact that he knows my current partner has a colourful background and he has threatened him because of the way he’s treated me. So me keeping him around isn’t doing any good at all. If he’d of left me alone like I asked then I would still be getting on with it now.

    • #116163
      KIP.
      Participant

      Please ring the police and report him. Your children’s father can say you’re exposing your children to abuse and use it against you that you haven’t reported him again and aren’t protecting your children. Please ring the police. If he turns up again ring 999.

    • #116165
      Freedom111
      Participant

      Ok I will thankyou kip xx

    • #116166
      maddog
      Participant

      You weren’t weak to accept him back. You are normal. Abusers demonstrate the same behaviours over and over again. It’s really hard to leave. I bet he really put his back into suckering you back in. The father of your children may well be projecting his own problems onto you. It’s a trick they use.

      My ex put on the divorce papers a litany of his own behaviour without evidence. He had to get there first. He had to be in control.

      These are broken, damaged little boys and their behaviour is ingrained often ingrained from birth or early childhood. In this way they are worse than addicts who may have at some point had some sense of normality.

      Please remember that you are dealing with a toddler in an adult body. Nothing you can say or do will change this. I’ve found a lot of stuff online. I can pm you if you like.

      Please call the police, at least get the behaviour recorded, and as KIP says, dial 999 if he turns up. If he wants to top himself, it is nothing to do with you. You weren’t there, and he will do exactly the same again and again and again. In this context, I think these abusers can’t stand the thought of being losers.

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