Trying to stay strong minded

[drowningmind]

I have packed one bag of my stuff and am planning on taking it my parents tomorrow, and try and take the rest at another point,
I am trying to organise somewhere for him to rent as he is financially dependant on me, it is very frustrating as he always has been and tries to guilt me for it,
I feel so guilty for how I have made my mum feel due to my ‘relationship’ – if you can even call it that.
She has told me she has nightmares about him killing me,
I have lost around a stone, and I wasn’t big to start with, I know how much It has hurt her to see her daughter go through this so young and I cant even begin to imagine how my dad feels about it all,
he has told me I have (detail removed by moderator) and i think he’s right,
I don’t know how to make it up to them, I just want to make them happy and wish I could take away the hurt i have caused.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine having to watch one of my brothers go through this, I feel embarrassed and ashamed, my mum has supported me financially and I plan on getting a job and going to university when I return home, but not only have I wasted thousands of pounds of her money on pointless flats but i have worried her sick, what should I do to make her feel better when I return?
I just want to be free and not have him controlling me anymore and be able to prioritise my parents and brothers like a normal person my age…
I just need to get away from him and Im scared I wont be able to

[Lisa]

Hello drowningmind,

I’m sorry to hear about how you are feeling at the moment, you have nothing to be ashamed of. He chooses to be abusive, everything he does is calculated and thought about.

Womens Aid’s stance that there is no excuse of any kind for perpetrating abuse has to be a clear and absolute message. Linking it with or equating it to any kind of Mental health condition is not appropriate.By telling you its about a problem you have is part of the abuse towards you.
The priority is your safety and your family will want to be there for you, no matter how painful it is.

Best Wishes,
Lisa

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

U dont need to feel bad or ashamed, u never ask for this man to come into your life, as a parent myself if my daughter was in that scenario her safety would be my main concern, it took me ages to leave, my mum couldnt undersatand why i couldnt walk away sooner, but in the end she just said even though dont get it im just glad to have my girl back in my life and she is safe. Im sure your parents feel the same. it snot about the money it about u getting out safely. take each day at a time and focus on getting out, even when we ar e out we need support

[drowningmind]

hey Lisa, thanks for replying,
and its true, I always worry Im being too paranoid about his actions, like Im assuming their vindictive but now I can just see and my intuition is showing me that his actions and words are intended to hurt and manipulate,
and true, they do want to be there for me, I just need to swallow my pride and let them in more so my family feels less worried, and I would always blame myself for his behaviour but now I can see that its all him, I just need to get out and away from him and his damaging behaviour

[drowningmind]

Hey confused123,
thanks, its reassuring to hear that, and I know I need to make sure I communicate with my family properly and stay busy once I’m out so I stay away,
and I will focus on getting out, Im taking him to a room viewing tomorrow so hopefully he will be gone by the [detail removed by moderator] and Ill be free to go back to my family

[Author]

Posts