This topic contains 11 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  ShatteredSoul 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #72044
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    I am trying to be brave. Each day, trying to summon up the strength to call. Finding the time and the safety to do so. Each day, someone or something has prevented me from doing so. I tried several times today, but each time, the lines were busy. I’m fighting hard, but it doesn’t seem enough.

  • #72049
     Landy 
    Participant

    Hang on in there and keep calling. None of us did this without a lot of agonising and false starts. Look how brave you are making those calls. Keep going. You’ll get through. And keep posting. In the meanwhile, stay safe x

  • #72055
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Keep going look what you’ve already came through xx set your sights looking at your freedom ☺your on your way to a much better life xx keep posting and we’re here to offer you support xx 💕 DIY ✌ 💕💕

  • #72127
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    So much to take in. That’s when the doubts start to creep in. Make me believe, it would be easier to put up with it. If it is really abuse. (detail removed by moderator) years is a long time. And I’m not really sure how all this works. I apologize if I’ve not replied. I feel like I’m not offering support to anyone.

  • #72128
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Don’t worry about supporting others at this time. It’s all about getting you safe. Can you ring your local women’s aid? They may not be as busy as the national helpline.

  • #72149
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    no wonder your bound to be feeling overwhelmed, take your time and try to draw in support to get stronger. its harder to put up with abuse in the long run than it is once youve gotten out. the hardest part is getting away. its totally doable and it does take courage to make that leap of faith. youll know when it time, just dont leave it ubtil your safety is compromised. looking up the cycle of abuse will help. the escalation of abuse is the part of the cycle that tends to paralyse us into acting. i was exactly the same xx maybe wait until a guiet period, feelings of guilt creep in but try to steer away from that because the guilty one is actually him xx

  • #72151
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi ShatteredSoul,

    Thank you for posting, I hope it is helping a little. I’m sorry to read you’re having difficulty getting through to the National Helpline. I know it must be frustrating when you’ve found the time and confidence to call. Just to say, the line tends to be less busy after 7pm. Also, if you feel able to leave a voicemail, you can ask for a specific time frame for a call back e.g. between 2pm and 4pm. Perhaps you could ask for a call back whilst you’re at work if that’s possible?

    It sounds like it would help you to talk things through. It can help to feel validated, to help you make sense of your thoughts and to think about what you need to do next. There’s never any pressure to take any action, we all understand that making changes can take time.

    Keep posting when you can, and I really hope you can speak to the helpline soon. If you have any questions, I’m here.

    Lisa

  • #72163
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    Because it’s not physical, I’ve convinced myself that it’s not that bad. Maybe it’s all in my head. Do I imagine it all? I’m sure as hell, that it would all get twisted anyway. I will be made out to be the villian. I’m a shadow of who I used to be. He did that. I don’t even recognise myself anymore.

  • #72170
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi SS, my OH isn’t physical with me either. He doesn’t need to be. What he’s done before, his previous life, are all enough to instil fear in me. I have a feeling my oh would more than likely cut me dead, ignore me, if I carried out at all. BUT, there’s part of me that’s too afraid to take that chance. The reason it’s not too bad, is because we really do forget just how scared we are in the moment once it all calms down again. That’s minimising, we do it to protect ourselves from the terror that we live with. You’re so right, it would get twisted, that’s what they do. I find it very hard to look at myself in a mirror now, or look at Anyone straight on, in the eye. I’m ashamed of what I’ve allowed to happen to me. How I’ve tried to make myself invisible. He’S not done this to me, I have. I take full responsibility for that. But there’s times I find myself, I get quite angry at times, find I’ve got less time for people. see abusive behaviour everywhere now, whereas before I’d have ignored it or let it wash over me. It’s very very hard accepting what we live with, it runs so deep. Nothing is straight forward, apart in their eyes. Acknowledging that alone is overwhelming. I promise you though, with our support you will get stronger. I spent about 6 wks lying on my couch with the covers over my head, I just wanted to shut out the world, I couldn’t eat properly, I’m still finding it hard to eat healthily, but I’m eating a breakfast again instead of just toast and butter and biscuits. We take each day one step at a time, those steps are the babiest of baby steps,. Getting support from women’s aid, having them believe you, show you what’s available to help you. This is the hardest journey any of us have been on, I am humbled to walk it with every lady on here and those of us who walk it every day.
    Together we will stop this abuse,but we can only do that by speaking out, getting the media to stop minimising murders of women and their children, to call it murder instead of manslaughter. To keep on at our mps to change legislation. To educate our children so they don’t become abused or abusers. To changed how society victimblame’s instead of blaming the abuser, cos it’s easier to victimblame. One day abuse of any kind will be seen fir what it is, until then we are the ones who have to walk this road. We are #21stcenturysuffragettes 💚💜💪

  • #72174
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    Hi, I totally get where you’re coming from SS. I too struggle to call initially, then can’t think of a time that’s safe for a callback, and go blank when I get to the voicemail part.
    I work in a situation where, although they are hugely understanding, it’s not possible to drop what I’m doing to answer a call, and he never leaves the house, so getting my head around setting a time has been really difficult.
    I’ve come up with a way I can take a call this week, but that’s after months of thinking my way around it, and not calling at all.
    I even had to fight against my own minimising. I was telling myself I was taking up time needed by ladies with ‘real’ abuse issues.
    Hopefully I’ll be able to speak with someone this week. Keep trying. You are right to do so.
    Raven x

  • #72180
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    its a shame that womens aid could set a slot in the day for scheduled calls? its not my place but then women could be out of the house and away from the abuser and be able to breathe to give wa all the details of whats happening. I watched the parliamentary debate from january in the house of commons. They kept going back to the abortion laws. they constantly had to be brought back to the issue of dv. There were about ten people in the house. i just thought to myself they still dont take this issue seriously. Anyway WA are a great source of support i hope making that first call gives you strength and reassurance in knowing that you can get out safe x*x luv diy mum

  • #72220
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    I did manage to figure it out. I rang during my lunch break and asked for a callback between 3.30-4.30 when I knew I would be free in work. I wAs on the phone for about 45 minutes. She was lovely. She talked me through lots of stuff and gave me the number of a local domestic violence helpline, that might be easier to get through too and seek support and advice from. I will keep you updated.

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