16th June 2021 at 7:13 am #127229HelphelphelpParticipant
I am in the worst state today, I let him come back into my life and hoover me back in, I’ve had love care and promises of sorting our situation out and being together again, I’ve been busy helping someone after a major op but promises that after I’m done he will sort this out, then as soon as I’m available. I get in touch with him after doing this, for him to say his been invited out, I say well can we please sort this out I’ve waited (detail removed by Moderator) to be together, and he goes mad at me, saying I’m cohesive I ruin everything and it’s all about me. Then the ignoring and silent treatment, no answers to my questions for two days then I get one that says I’m not going to live with you bullying me. I do not bully, I push to sort this out because I can not carry on with not really knowing if this is going to happen or if I’m being mugged off again, I’ve told him over n over how the silent treatment affects me and he knows how unwell I am, I truly can not cope, I have answered his message and haven’t had a reply. I’m now in exactly the same position I’ve been in all year and can’t work out why I’ve had love and promises to now nothing and acting as if I don’t exist. My family don’t support me even though they said they would, and I just had the worst row with my mother n daughter who both said things that he has said to me, stop acting a victim and that I should be put away for allowing someone to treat me as he does. That I’m stupid I haven’t got the hint that he doesn’t love me. I do know it’s wrong what he does but I can’t believe anyone would be so spiteful. All I’ve done is care, But I had such hope that he meant all he said and that the love we had was real, to prove everyone that I’m not pathetic. Obvs now I feel lost hurt n I’m struggling to cope, I’m back waiting as I have been for 14 months for help from one of the places I reached out to for help, then got a place but have already waited 2 months, and now been told it’ll take almost 3 months longer to actually get to talk about it, I’m having panic attacks I’ve no support and I’m totally alone. Lost all fight to do any normal daily routine but sleep as much as I can, do not know what to do, even Samaritans said they would call me back in a few days n never did. I’m lost.
16th June 2021 at 10:11 am #127232Tulip100Participant
Hi lovely, have you tried emailing the Samaritans? They usually respond quite quickly that way and I have found it helpful and less isolating that I could maintain that conversation with them over time rather than it be a one time call. It helped to have someone to talk to. x
16th June 2021 at 10:36 am #127234AnonymousInactive
I’m so sorry you feel this way.
People who haven’t been in an abusive relationship do not understand the struggle.
Abusive men don’t love unconditionally. The love can seem real, strong, and amazing. But as soon as you don’t do what they want, they feel it’s acceptable to mistreat you.
It sounds like your partner enjoys dragging you along and making you wait in uncertainty as you have been open with him about how it makes you feel. They love power and control. I remember the sadistic look of joy on my ex partner’s face when I would come back for more torture. As he knew he had power over me and took pleasure in causing pain.
I hope you can move on and be set free from this toxic relationship. A loving person would try not to hurt you. This man is purposefully hurting you.
We are here for you, and you are not alone. We understand your turmoil.
16th June 2021 at 10:48 am #127231EyesopeningParticipant
Please send this to anyone who makes you feel bad about staying. There is a good reason, it’s all chemical and out of our control, it’s not your fault, but most people just have no idea. I didn’t before all this happened to me.
‘Intermittent abuse increases the likelihood of remaining with an abusive partner because of the connection and feelings of love that come during the honeymoon/reconciliation period. Oxytocin and adrenaline are released, and that abusive partner now turns into a fantasy partner who promises the idealistic hopes that you were initially looking for. This causes attachment to abusers to feel strong and passionate, and is often interpreted as love.
Gaslighting, trauma bonds, and abuse cycles make it feel impossible to leave your partner. They can make you want to stay. To know your partner is abusive and to still want to stay is something that makes people feel disoriented and unraveled; it can make people feel as though they do not even know themselves. Remember, this confusion is the abuser’s goal. It is not you.’
(Link removed by Moderator)
Also I watched a good vid yesterday on Youtube, check it out, as it talks about how to actually break the trauma bond – search for Kelly Kristin Breaking a truama bond
You can chat to or call Womens aid and they will tell your your local service, they will help and guide you. There is support here
I wish you all the best
29th June 2021 at 11:01 pm #127958HelphelphelpParticipant
Thank you all the ladies that replied, been really down and unable to cope, to many emotions to deal with, how can one person feel sooooo much and gone out the other side. 😭
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.