Viewing 5 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #108892
      ultimatelyStrong
      Participant

      Well I hit the jackpot. Not one but two abusive ex’s to deal with and I have children with both. I’ve experienced them teaming up against me, while simultaneously badmouthing about each other to me/authorities. They use each other to grind me down and I am EXHAUSTED.

      With one I am well into the co parenting routine, I have my boundaries in place and my strategies for helping my sons to deal with his toxic influence.

      The other, it’s just starting and even though I have dealt with one a**s I’ve ex, they are very different in the ways they try to control me so I’m very scared. My first ex is psychologically abusive, second was physically abusive so there’s the added worry for my child’s safety not just her emotional well-being.

      At this point I feel like my whole life will be taken up by them both. Managing them is a full time job. I feel like my life is over. Like it’s damaged beyond all hope and I’ll never be happy again.

      I don’t know what the point of this post is really. Having a moan I guess. I really just want to be happy, for my kids to be happy and life to be boring but nice.

      Anyone else have the unfortunate privilege of having two abusive ex’s to deal with???

    • #108901
      Eggshells
      Participant

      This is just horrible. One is bad enough but two! I’m not surprised you are exhausted. What kind of support do you have in place to help you deal with all of this?

    • #108913
      ultimatelyStrong
      Participant

      To be honest not really but it’s my own fault, I keep things to myself too much. I have someone from refuge supporting me and my mum but that’s it. I feel like my friends don’t really know how to deal with it all and then there’s lockdown.

      I’ve just come to the “end” of a long battle with my second ex over child contact which has the worst outcome. My life has been on hold for nearly (detail removed by moderator) now. I know I need to get into it again, put myself out there more. These men just take up so much of my energy though I don’t have any reserves left for myself!

    • #108956
      Eggshells
      Participant

      You’ve had an awful lot to deal with but your are ultimately strong even if you don’t feel it right now. Take it one day at a time and don’t beat yourself up for not bouncing back immediately.

      Always reach out to us here. If you need someone physically to help you, ask your keyworker what she recommends.

      When you feel ready, perhaps try different things to strengthen you. Mindfulness mediation can be hard work but there is a lot of evidence showing the difference it makes to us. They can actually see differences on brain scans. Insight timer is an excellent app and it’s free.

      Indulge yourself as much as you can and in whatever way you prefer. Try to give yourself a treat everyday. It’s very easy for us to forget the luxury of a hot scented bath or a bar of cholocate.

      So, what will be your treat for today?

    • #108957
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Also, is it worth you visiting your GP? Your feelings must be all over the place at the moment and very difficult to deal with. Your GP should be able o help you in a number of ways. xx

    • #108986
      ultimatelyStrong
      Participant

      Thank you eggshell. I really don’t know about seeing my gp. I had a round of therapy last year that really didn’t help to be honest. I’m already on antidepressants. I think if I went they’d just increase my dose and maybe give me sleeping tablets because obviously the worry is making me stay awake all night. I’m don’t want either of those. I think it’ll be worth going when i am having to be more involved with second ex as I know that will have a bad effect on me and it’s important that is noted even if there isn’t anything that can be done. I feel like it’s just something I have to endure rather than a tablet problem. Not sure if that makes sense.

Viewing 5 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content