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Ok, so when I got engaged to my ex we decided to go dress shopping together (my idea). I saw a dress that I fell in love with so I tried it on in the bridal shop. He said I looked ‘nice’ and mostly just played games on his phone. The dress was beautiful, but his reaction left me a little deflated. I asked if I could get the dress and he said it was up to me. So I bought the dress. After leaving the shop he sulked for hours, making me feel guilty for buying my wedding dress. The dress cost very little, about what I would spend on my weekly food shop at the time. I felt so bad by the way he manipulated my emotions and deliberately tried to sabotage what should have been a happy day! The whole day I kept thinking to myself, was I in the wrong? Should I have got the dress? Eventually he told me he didn’t like the dress, and that his parents would not ‘approve’ of it?!
I’m now engaged again. Yesterday my fiancé suggested going to the dress shop as I had seen one online that I loved. Unfortunatley that dress was out of stock. I picked out a few to try on. The first was ok, but didn’t really suit me. He said it looked great. I tried on another dress, and as I stood there looking into the mirror I felt like a princess. I looked back at him and he just smiled and said ‘you look absolutely beautiful’. At this point the assistant came over and said that the dress I wanted was in stock at another of their stores (200 miles away). My fiancé said that we could catch it before it closed if we were quick!
I still expect to be treated like my ex treated me, so every time something like this happens it makes me realise that I was NOT the problem, my dress purchase was NOT the problem. If one positive thing can come from an abusive relationship it is the ability to appreciate good people that little bit more because even the smallest of gestures can mean SO much! -
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Thats a lovely story Kitty. I am happy that you have found someone nice & non abusive. From what I remember of my ex he could successfully ruin any positive event that meant anything to me, just by his manner and attitude. It was my mums 70th birthday birthday. I love my mum dearly. She hired a hall and planned quite a sophisticated party. He turned up, he looked like a dirty vagrant, i was so embarrassed and ashamed. On top of that he had this angry, arrogant demenour about him which said “dont you dare say anything about how i look”. I was deeply hurt and embarrassed but could not say anything to him, he ruled by fear. He finally got changed and only turned up that way as he was helping put decorations up, but he didn’t explain that and I could see that my mum looked awkward. This morning a friend sent me a text. He remembered the date of my birthday, that made me smile. I was lucky if I even got a card let alone anything special from my ex. Pig!
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My ex was forceful in a sexual way, there was no such thing as affection, so it took me months to be able to touch my partner without fear because I was scared of a hug turning into a fight or being called a tease for wanting affection. I still have my moments but getting easier. Had a lot of bother at the moment divorcing my ex, being stalked by him etc so that has set me back but I won’t let him win!
When I met my new partner I put on a front of being very confident and a woman who will take no s**t to see how he reacted. I figured that if it put him off he was looking for someone ‘easier’ to abuse (the real me lol). It was my way of testing him to see if he would turn out like that last one.
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Hi Hun
\so happy for u , what a lovely difference in this new guy , lol reading u saying how u played the over confident reminded me of myself last week, playing so confident that i made sure no one could hurt me again, chatted to loads of nice guys some who suprised me how nice they were, we really do compare them to our ex, im sure in time it gets better
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